Being a Mom, the World, and Other Things

Lately I've been feeling like I need a break. From being a Mom. I keep having flash backs from when I was young, and my Mom saying that she was just going to run away. That's always when we knew we'd pushed her too far. We'd look at each other and say uh-oh, Mom's going to run away.

So she would go to her Mom's for a few hours and come back happier. I wonder what she did at her Mom's house. Cry? Complain? Sleep? Probably a little of each.

I keep day-dreaming of a tropical vacation with Rick, the cheesy Chicago song playing along with my thoughts everybody needs a little time away...just for the day...

We have a trip in the beginning stages of planning. We'll have to wait a while, until the baby is weened, and a little bit older, but we're talking about it more and more. Rick wants to go to Tahiti. I don't care if it's a shack in Mexico, as long as there is an ocean nearby, and sand to sink my toes in. I just want to be able to sleep when I want, curl up to a good book, meet fellow travelers and locals, eat the cuisine, and run on the beach, among other things...

How is it that I never understood what a hard job my Mom had until now? That I never full appreciated what she did for us? Good Mothers work so hard and we expect perfection from them. My poor dear Mom. What a wonderful woman. I'm so lucky.

I also thought about Rick's Mom. I've been thinking about her more and more as April approaches. Her birthday is coming up, and it was almost two years ago that she passed away. All my plants growing and trees blooming make me think of her. She loved plants. Sometimes I feel sad that I didn't get to know her better-- that we can't take a trip with our kids to Grandma Fran's house. There is so much I would tell her if I could. So much I want to ask her. So much I wish I could have learned from her. But mostly I feel grateful that she raised such an amazing Rick. She was such a good Mom to him.

Rick has seemed to sense my need for a break. He woke up with the kids this morning, fed them breakfast and then took Vaughn to REI with him to spend his dividend. They were gone for the afternoon, and came home with lunch. I felt happier. I had the morning and part of the afternoon to clean up the house, do a little reading, and do things that needed doing. He's a good friend. One who knows my needs and cares about me.

Tonight we watched a movie together. After it was over we stood outside and looked at the stars together. Rick told me I needed to lay in the hammock and listen to the first Pink Floyd Pulse CD on the ipod while I looked at the stars.

So I did.

The nights are perfect here right now. Crisp and beautiful. It was nice to sway in the hammock and think about our big blue world while listening to good music. Listening to Pulse always makes me wish I could play the saxophone really well. Maybe someday. It was a treat.

When I came inside Rick and I visited for a while longer. He taught me about map projections, and how there are three main types of projections, or ways that the globe is distorted in order to project it onto a flat surface. They are planar, conical, and cylindrical. I told him he needs to be my new geography tutor. Maybe over the course of years, I can glean all the knowledge he has hidden up there. Even half of it would be nice.

So here I am at the close of my Saturday. The baby sleeps soundly on the couch next to me, his little foot resting softly on the laptop. I can hear Vaughn breathing on the baby monitor, and Rick is reading in our room. What a lovely family. Just having the afternoon and evening to think has made me appreciate them all more.