10.21.2009

I found these journal entries recently, and loved reading them. Reading them made me remember that moment of sitting on the grass like it was yesterday, and I'm happy I wrote it down to remind me of later.

I've never been a typical journal writer-- I usually just find a scrap of paper or a journal nearby when I have the need to write something. Everything's scattered and not in chronological order. The bad thing about that is that I've probably lost little bits and memories that way, but the good thing is that it's always such a treat when I'm reading an old book, or looking in an old box and find a scrap of paper with my writing on it. It's always a little treasure to me.

I've typed these up as I wrote them then-- run on sentences, grammatical errors and all.

3/9/00

My dear old beautiful smiling Mum gave this green and gold journal to me last week.

4/3/00

and almost a whole month has gone by without me writing in it. And where I'm at is the SUU campus on a large patch of sunny chirping grass. The ivy will start growing on the two brick buildings directly in front of me soon, and I love April! Even the hum of a plane above me. The students are starting to come out of the dim lit classrooms-- a slow awakening until there is a steady flow-- pumping-- pumping-- and then it will slow again and I won't be here alone anymore on my April afternoon grass-- smelling grass-- I'll be in choir, which is really almost as exciting as being out here with my shoes off. I love singing in a choir, the small break in a wave, the way water takes the form given it. Beethoven said "Music is the only bodiless entry into a higher body of knowledge which comprehends mankind, but is not comprehended by it" or something close to that, which went 'smack smack' right on my face because it's true.

Today in psychology we had to write the 15 most important things to us on 15 little pieces of paper, and then the teacher would say 'okay a massive earthquake hit us-- now wad up 5 pieces of paper, and throw them on the floor' and so it went until we were only supposed to have 3 things, but I had four 1) Mom and Dad 2) Brothers 3) [insert the boyfriend I had at the time here] 4)music, and I couldn't throw any away. That was me stripped to the core. I suppose it could have been grouped differently if I would have known the purpose of the exercise from the beginning 1) family 2) close relationships 3) music

easy said, easy done

But the purpose was to look at our lives and see how much time we are dedicating to the things most important to us, and how much time is spent on the things least (or the ones we threw away first on our lists).

I don't spend enough time on music-- well, I mean, I'm always singing-- I don't think I could be separated from that, but actual structured lessons, the dissection of notes, drudgery of theory (but what you actually learn!) and the translations of word-- but also other instruments-- saxophone, guitar and on and on-- but movies, TV weren't even on the list, and I give a few hours a week to those. I liked the exercise, because we got to pick the important things and not someone saying what we should value.