1.17.2012

Vaughn was playing with our camera on Sunday and took this picture of Mason right before church.

What would I do without my little Mase man?  Today Rick went back to work.  For three weeks he's been home with me.  Every time I've cried he's been right by my side loving me better.  Every night when the responsibilities of motherhood just seem too overwhelming to me, he's jumped right in and done what I haven't been able to.  He's been so sensitive and amazing and I love him more than I can explain.

I've been dreading this day, where everything is somehow supposed to return to "normal."  Nothing feels normal.  I've got this big gaping hole in my heart and I feel this huge void all around me-- empty arms, empty space in my room where Adam's bassinet sat just two weeks ago, empty hours that I was expecting to fill loving my baby.  I don't know what to do with all this emptiness.

This morning Mason climbed into bed with me after Rick left and snuggled right next to me.  After about ten minutes of snuggling he looked at me with his big brown eyes and said "Mom.  Shaggy can eat two sandwiches!"  Then just a moment later he said "Is it alright if I can play wif your haiw?"  And he played with my hair for a minute, then wrapped his little arm around my neck, his forehead against mine, and just loved me for a minute, and somehow that made all the dread just melt away.

I'm so lucky to have Rick and my boys.  They make everything better.