3.15.2012

Dearest

Rick holding me right after we found out the baby didn't have a heartbeat.  Him crying and telling me over and over that it wasn't my fault and that he loved me.

My surgeon's sad face while walking into the operating room.  Genuine sadness and concern for me in his eyes.

Holding Adam for the first time in my arms.  His perfectness.  His sweet face.  His fingers.  His toes.

Watching Rick, my parents and friends hold my baby.  Their tears.

The Bishop already there to give me a blessing.  The promises.  The love.

Vaughn and Mason bounding into the hospital room to see me and hold their brother.  Their fresh faces transforming the room, bringing light, bringing joy.

Holding Adam in the middle of the night while Rick slept.  The quiet hospital room.  My baby in my arms again.  My nurse sobbing in the room from a distance.

My family fasting for me.  Talking to all of them on a conference call.  Feeling their love for me.

Visits in the hospital from family and friends.  Their love.  Their tears.

Coming home with family already there.  My nephews bright happy faces.  The smell of flowers.

Vaughn making me love hearts.  Mason snuggling with me.  Rick's concern and love for me.

The memorial service.  Beautiful mountains behind us.  Vaughn and Mason playing in the snow beside us.  Grace in her green dress, crying.

Staying at Grandma's.  The comforting blue room.  Hugs and tears from Neldene and Todd.

An evening at my parents after the service.  Surrounded by family.  The home I grew up in.  The laughter.  The tears.  The love.

****************************************

These are just a few of the memories that I hold dearest to my heart.  Mostly I treasure the people in my life during this time-- their real emotions and love that they have shared with me.  It inspires me and motivates me to be a better person.