Sweetest Jane...

Our Hello Goodbye January

2012-01-31T21:17:00.000-08:00

I expected this January to be one of hellos. Hello new baby. Hello new year. Hello new goals. I suppose in many ways it is the beginning of a whole new life for us. An opportunity to grow and learn in ways that we never expected to. But right now it feels like a month of goodbyes. We started off the month losing our baby Adam just hours before we were expecting to welcome him into our lives.

I miss my baby so much at this moment that my whole body just aches. I want so much to hold him in my arms and kiss the top of his head, and look at his little fingers and toes. I want to wake up in the middle of the night with him. I want to take care of his every need. I just want my baby.

My life is a mess right now. I found out last week that our house sold, which is wonderful for us, but we also learned that we only have two weeks to find a new place to live, and say goodbye to this one. The day after we found out we needed to move, my car, which has always been reliable, wouldn't start. Then the next day when my husband tried to work on it, he also decided to give his truck a tune-up and ended up having a major piece break in half in the process. So...we had for a moment zero working cars, a house to find, and a house to move in two weeks time.

Luckily my husband didn't put it below him to employ some duct tape and glue for that broken part until he has time to get a new part, and now my car will work...sometimes...until we have time to figure out what its problem is .

Luckily we are blessed to be surrounded by amazing people. Amazing, loving, wonderful people who have given so much to us in this last month.

I had a friend call me today who told me if she was in my shoes right now that she thinks she would be pulling all her hair out or in a comatose state. I laughed and told her that the only reason I wasn't having a nervous breakdown was because everyone is doing so much for me. This same friend also brought me a delicious blueberry apple crisp tonight, just out of the oven, and some vanilla ice cream. I love the friends and family in my life so much.

In some ways I am grateful to be moving at such short notice and so close to the loss of our baby because it has given my mind a focus on something other than Adam, but in other ways I feel bad that I'm not giving him enough of my time. I am still his Mom. If he was here I'd be spending my entire day and night taking care of him. I still feel like he deserves and needs my time, but it's hard to know how to direct that time.

The other day one of my dearest friends texted me. She said "Go look at the sky! What a beautiful sunset, thinking of you and hoping today was a good day. Love you!" Right before I read the text I had stood up and looked out the window and thought what a beautiful sunset it was. Her text inspired me to take a moment to myself and really soak it up. I went out in the backyard by myself and laid in the hammock and watched the beautiful sunset roll away while I cried.

I thought about a moment in the hospital two days after we lost Adam that Rick and I sat in my hospital bed together cuddling and visiting and crying together. We talked about ways that we want to improve our lives so that we can become stronger as a family. We talked about how we wanted to be worthy and to be prepared to see him again and raise him in the next life.

Last month I had decided that I wouldn't make any goals for the new year since I would be busy with a baby. Instead, I had decided that I would have a theme for the year. I had decided that my them would be "Be Prepared." I had pictured focusing on food storage and finances. Now that theme has so much more depth and meaning to me. I want to be prepared in every way to live up to my potential. To be the mother and wife and friend that I was born to be.

So I'm ending this month-- this hard hard month-- saying my hellos and my goodbyes, and hoping for bright tomorrows.

Light

2012-01-22T21:49:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning as I was getting ready, I found the pregnancy test that confirmed that I was pregnant with Adam clear back in early April. I don't know why I've saved it all these months. I didn't save my pregnancy tests with Vaughn and Mason. There had been several times when I'd happened upon it and thought about throwing it away, but every time I wasn't able to part with it.

But there it was in my hands, the two pink lines next to the word pregnant. I remembered the rush of emotions when those two pink lines showed up-- pure joy and excitement. Yes! We did it! Another baby! And then I was whipped back to the present moment. Alone. In my bathroom-- my deflated stomach, my sad heart, my baby gone. Gone. I cried and cried, and put the test in my little box of things to remember him by.

I've thought so much lately about how many other women have suffered losses-- and not just stillborns, but miscarriages, babies and children, and women who want so badly to have a family, but can't conceive. I feel so much more compassion and love for women who put their hearts in such a vulnerable position to become mothers. I feel like motherhood is so much more sacred than I have ever felt before.

On Thursday night I went to a support group at the hospital for other moms who have suffered similar losses. We all went around the table and told our sad stories. The girl sitting next to me lost her second son just weeks before she was to deliver him. They named him Mason. I thought about my second son Mason, and how sad it would be to not have my two boys playing together and running around all day. My heart ached for her. Another woman lost her third boy at twenty-four weeks. She almost died from bleeding so much and they ended up having to remove her uterus, and she needed several more surgeries afterward. Her son lived for fifty-one days before passing away. She was such a beautiful woman with a beautiful heart and even though I didn't know her I had the strongest desire to give her a big hug and tell her how sorry I was. She talked about how at night she lights a candle to remember him by. I thought it was a wonderful and simple way to remember a person so loved and missed, so Friday night and tonight I've done the same while sitting in my boys' room singing them to sleep.

This loss has been so humbling to me. It's stripped me of a layer of pride that I wasn't even aware was there. It has brought me to my knees and made me so much more aware of how little I know, how little I have control of, and how little is actually mine. I can only put one foot in front of the other and pray for guidance, for love, and for wisdom.

I hope that I can become the kind of woman that God wants me to be. I hope that something good can come from this. That I can carry that joy and excitement Adam's life brought to me from the moment that test confirmed his existence. That I can continue to learn and grow in the light his life has brought to me.

2012-01-17T10:03:00.000-08:00

Vaughn was playing with our camera on Sunday and took this picture of Mason right before church.

What would I do without my little Mase man? Today Rick went back to work. For three weeks he's been home with me. Every time I've cried he's been right by my side loving me better. Every night when the responsibilities of motherhood just seem too overwhelming to me, he's jumped right in and done what I haven't been able to. He's been so sensitive and amazing and I love him more than I can explain.

I've been dreading this day, where everything is somehow supposed to return to "normal." Nothing feels normal. I've got this big gaping hole in my heart and I feel this huge void all around me-- empty arms, empty space in my room where Adam's bassinet sat just two weeks ago, empty hours that I was expecting to fill loving my baby. I don't know what to do with all this emptiness.

This morning Mason climbed into bed with me after Rick left and snuggled right next to me. After about ten minutes of snuggling he looked at me with his big brown eyes and said "Mom. Shaggy can eat two sandwiches!" Then just a moment later he said "Is it alright if I can play wif your haiw?" And he played with my hair for a minute, then wrapped his little arm around my neck, his forehead against mine, and just loved me for a minute, and somehow that made all the dread just melt away.

I'm so lucky to have Rick and my boys. They make everything better.

Worth It

2012-01-13T21:53:00.000-08:00

A few months ago one of my dearest friends gave birth to a beautiful little girl-- her first after four boys. The morning she delivered her husband called me and asked if I would like to come over and be part of the experience. I felt so excited and nervous because I had never seen anyone in labor or a baby being born, and I loved my friend so much and was excited that her little baby girl was finally coming. I remember kneeling by my bed and saying a quick prayer for her that everything would go well and that I could be helpful or comforting in some way.

My friend labored for hours, and it was very difficult for her. I was with her for the first bit and was amazed by her strength, but after a while when the contractions were really strong and difficult she only wanted her husband and midwife in the room.

There were two things that struck me the most about the experience-- first, that here was my friend experiencing so much pain, and the rest of the world was ticking on. It really felt to me like everything should stop for a little while for such a big moment. But it didn't. There were her older kids that I sat on the floor with and played games with. Lunch that we all needed to eat. Her youngest boy who needed his diaper changed and who needed to be put down for a nap. For everyone else, the necessities of life were moving us forward, but for her she was paused into this moment of pain and labor.

The second thing that struck me was that none of us could take her pain away from her. I don't think there was a person in that house that wouldn't have taken the pain away from her if we could. We all loved her, and wished she didn't have to suffer so much. Besides minimizing distractions, and trying to offer comfort though, the pain was something that she had to work through on her own.

After she gave birth I came up to the room (I ended up missing the actual delivery because I had run to Sonic to get her some pebble ice, not realizing she was so close to delivering) to see her beautiful baby girl lying on her stomach breathing. I got to see the chord being cut and was so happy for my friend. I remember my friend exclaiming sincerely "I don't ever want to do that again!" But not even thirty minutes later after they were all cleaned up, her new baby bundled up, they were lying in bed together and my friend was just beaming while looking at her new baby. I will never forget her looking at her and saying with equal sincerity "Oh, but it's so worth it though!"

I have been thinking about that experience through this last week. At first I was thinking how different our experiences were, but then I started to realize how many similarities there were too.

This same dear friend was there for me in the hospital when I was being wheeled out of the operating room. We missed each others actual deliveries-- hers because I had run off to Sonic, and mine because I was in an operating room, but we were both there for the moments afterward. When describing the hours afterward I think we have both used the words sacred to describe them. Yes her baby breathed and mine did not, but there was an equal amount of love in those rooms-- love from the family members and friends surrounding us, love for the babies we held, and love from the people beyond our view that I'm certain were attending us in those sacred moments.

In the days that followed Adam's death and birth I struggled so much with the intense physical and emotional pain and shock of what had just happened. I remember one night hobbling to the hospital bathroom, sick from medication and feeling so sad because I didn't have my baby. I remember thinking "I don't ever want to do this again," and in that moment I meant it. I didn't ever want to have to lay down on an operating table and be pumped up with medication and have my stomach cut open. I didn't ever want to expose my heart to the possibility of such a huge loss, and the heartache that I was experiencing.

Like I felt at my friends labor and birth, I know that others have felt so helpless with my pain. I've had so many people that have told me that they wish they could take some of the pain away from me. Though I can't claim that the pain is all mine-- this was a loss experienced by many around me-- the bulk of it is something that I am going to have to work through-- not alone exactly (I've already felt immense comfort from above), but nobody can say or do anything to change the situation. They can only help minimize distractions and offer comfort.

While we were in Utah I was lying in bed the night before the funeral, and I thought about my friend looking into her baby's eyes and saying "It was so worth it though!" I wondered if I had the possibility to crawl backward through these last ten months to the moment Rick and I decided that we wanted to try for another baby if I would. If I knew what the end result would be-- that just hours before I was expecting to hold my new healthy baby in my arms that his heart would suddenly stop beating, and instead I would hold his lifeless body in my arms and sob, and watch my husband and parents do the same, would I still make the decision to conceive?

I was surprised at how easily I was able to answer that question. Yes. I absolutely would. In a moment. For those ten months I fell in love with my baby boy. I got to see him kick his cute little legs on the ultra sound. For months and months I got to feel him move all around in my belly. Almost every night I used to take a warm bath in the evening and I used to just sing and sing to him, and sometimes even talk to him. It was my special time with him, and I'm so grateful now for it. At night I used to visit with Rick in bed about what I thought his personality was like. With all my children I feel like I've gotten a strong sense of what they were like while in my womb. I used to say that I thought Adam was so so sweet, and a little bit shy.

I loved and still love my baby boy. I got to hold him, to see what he looked like, to spend time with him. I wouldn't trade any of that, even though I'm suffering now. Even though I'm so sad, I would agree with my friend that it is so worth it. It really is.

Mourning

2012-01-07T20:59:00.000-08:00

Today I went into the mortuary with my Mom and two of my sisters-in-law and brought the clothes, hat, and booties that my sweet baby Adam will wear to be buried in, and got to see him and say goodbye to him for the last time. It is the hardest thing I have ever done. My whole body and soul ached and longed to be able to hold my baby. I wanted him to open his eyes. To breath. And to be able to tell him how much I loved him, and how sorry I am that I won't get to be his Mom here in this life. There he was-- so sweet and beautiful wearing the clothes that we planned to bless him in. My little Adam.

Oh, how my heart aches.

Tonight I packed my bag so that we can make the trip to bury our baby. It is the same bag that I packed a week ago in preparation to go to the hospital the next morning to get a c-section. I felt him move all night, and even felt him move on the car ride to the hospital. The day before I had a non-stress test, and he passed with flying colors. It wasn't until they hooked me up to the monitor, in preparation for the surgery, that we found out he was gone.

It is too difficult to describe right now the hours that followed that moment. Some day I might be able to process those memories, and maybe even share some of them, but they are still too raw-- too sacred.

On Friday night, when I was released from the hospital I came home and sat in my chair and picked up my scriptures. They opened up exactly to St. Matthew, chapter 11. I read through the chapter, and there in the last three versus, was a message that I believe was God speaking directly to my heart:

28 ¶^aCome unto me, all ye that ^blabour and are heavy laden, and I will give you ^crest.

29 Take my ^ayoke upon you, and ^blearn of me; for I am ^cmeekand ^dlowly in ^eheart: and ye shall find ^frest unto your souls.

30 For my yoke is ^aeasy, and my burden is light.

Never has any verse of scripture given me such comfort and hope. I lay for hours thinking about these versus, and what exactly it means to come unto Him and to take His yoke upon me. I remembered singing these versus of scripture in the Messiah as a solo. I love the music from that movement.

Even though my heart aches, it is also full of love. For my friends, and especially for my family. My love for Rick and my boys and each of my family members has grown in ways that I never knew it could in this past week. There are no other people that I would choose to walk through this life with.

I know that I have a Heavenly Father and that He loves me. That He loves my baby. He has promised me that if will only come unto him that he will ease my burden and make it lighter. I am so grateful for that. I'm grateful that I can be with my family forever, and that someday I will get to see Adam again.

I wanted to share the music that has brought me so much comfort these past few days from the Messiah. It is such a beautiful piece of music.

Birthday Girl

2011-12-24T05:35:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my 34th Birthday. It was a perfect birthday. I woke up and Rick and the boys surprised me with a new waffle maker, and then made me some delicious waffles with yogurt, berries, bananas, and nuts on top. Then my parents, who are in town spoiled me with new dishes that I've been wanting.

I got a couple of packages from close friends, and lots of birthday wishes and calls from everyone, and it made me feel so loved.

In the morning, my parents took the boys to the park while Rick and I went to my baby appointment. We got to listen to his heartbeat while they were doing the non-stress test, and he was very active, and is doing very well. We were both assured that at some point, when the baby is ready, my body will kick into active labor, but for now he's doing great which makes me happy. Afterward Rick and I browsed through World Market, and picked up a few last minute items. It was fun to just stroll through the store without the kids and visit and laugh together.

In the afternoon, Rick braved Costco with Vaughn (it was-- not surprisingly-- a nightmare) while I got to cuddle up with Mase and take a long nap.

Then in the evening we made a really yummy dinner of taco salad, with fresh guacamole and salsa and all the fixings. For desert, Rick made me my very favorite cake, German chocolate, and it was SOOOO good.

Then I took a hot bath and got to visit with my family for a while, and then I read and went to bed early. I know none of this sounds terribly exciting, but when everyone asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday my answer was pretty much: "Nothing. I want to sit and do nothing at all for my birthday." Rick and I had a nice date the night before, and we've been having so much fun with my parents in town and Christmas approaching, that I just wanted to relax and enjoy a day at home.

We're so excited for Christmas to come tomorrow. I've really taken it easy this Christmas, and it's made it one of the most enjoyable that I can remember. I've had the gifts and everything ready for weeks, and really haven't put any pressure on myself for things like sending cards and neighbor gifts. I figure that everyone who cares will forgive me this year. :-) The boys and I have done some spontaneous and fun Christmas activities-- but only when it's been convenient, or when it's their idea, which has made it really fun. It's been a really simple Christmas, and I've loved it.

I hope that you all are enjoying your holidays too. Merry Christmas!

Peanut Butter Cup Cheesecake Tarts with Chocolate Mousse

2011-12-17T18:30:00.000-08:00

The Little Man Cooking a Snake in His Pot

2011-12-16T16:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Vaughn drew me this picture. I thought it was cute-- especially all the details that he told me about it, so I thought I'd scan it in, and share what he told me about it (the one's that I can remember anyway-- I think he talked to me about this man for about twenty minutes).

"This is a little man. He was flying to Canada, but his plane crashed and landed in the desert. He didn't have any food, so he has to find desert animals that have meat in them, and eat them. This is his little pot, and he found a snake, and he is cooking a snake, and he's going to eat it. This is the smoke from the fire, floating in the air."

"He is a secret police and a detective. He has a little backpack that has little bombs in it, and he used the little bombs to build a house that is underneath the ground. It is a really big house, and he has all sorts of police animals. He has a skunk that doesn't stink, a big blue whale, and a police dog. He made lots of friends that live in the desert too, and he is going to live there forever now."

"He also has a rubber ducky. Because he's a dwarf. And a real duck too."

"Here Mom. You can keep this. I made it for you. You can hang it in the bathroom, so you can always look at it."

The end.

Dates With My Boys

2011-12-11T20:02:00.000-08:00

This week I decided to go on individual dates with both Vaughn and Mason. I wanted to do something special with them before the baby gets here and I won't have much one on one time with them for a while.

On Thursday I took Vaughn to see the Bodies Exhibition at the Luxor hotel and casino. I've been thinking of taking him for quite a while, but wondered if he might be too young. Ever since Vaughn has been about two, he's been obsessed with the body-- what's inside it, how it works, and what it can do. It started with skeletons and bones, and through the years his interest has progressed.

When my Grandma passed away in August and we were driving to her viewing and funeral, I was worried about how the kids might react to seeing her in the casket. I started to explain to them what they were going to see, and was trying to explain as sensitively as I could that it is only going to be her body that they will see, but that her spirit and soul are still alive, and that she is happy wherever she is. Vaughn looked a little confused at first, but at a certain point in the conversation, his whole face brightened, and he said "you mean I'm going to see a real dead body! I'm so excited! I've never seen a real dead body before!" (I have to mention that he had only been around my Grandma a couple times in his whole life. His reaction may have been different if we had lived closer to her and he knew her well). During the viewing he was incredibly interested in everything, but he was also incredibly sweet and sensitive about it. He wanted to go up close to my Grandma again and again, and would softly pat her hand and stand next to her.

Since then, I've been thinking that he would probably be really fascinated by the exhibition, and he was. It was a great outing for both of us. It was one of the most amazing things I've ever seen, and I would highly recommend it to anyone who is interested in the body and how it works. It was beautiful and simple.

This is the only picture I got. They don't allow photography through the exhibit, but I managed to get a snapshot in front of the sphinx. This was also a perfect outing, because Vaughn has also been obsessed with Egypt for quite some time. Every time we drive by the strip, Vaughn points out the Luxor hotel, and says "There's the pyramid!" He was so excited that we got to go in the pyramid, and see "real dead bodies."

I just love my Vaughn. He's so funny and sweet and crazy, and smart. I could write things down on a daily basis that he says and does that make me laugh, or have me scratching my head in confusion wondering how on earth he was thinking about that. I can't imagine what he will do with his life and what he will become. I imagine he will always be keeping us on our toes and occasionally scratching our head, but also laughing and smiling and entertained with his energy, sweetness, and creativity. I feel so lucky to be his Mom and that we got to go on a fun date together. I made him hold my hand (because that's what you do when you go on a date) and after it was over gave him a big kiss on the cheek and told him "thank you for going on a date with me! I had so much fun," and I did. I loved the big smile he gave me.

On Friday I took Mason on our date. I decided to take him to a little comic book store by our house that is full of comic books, but also tons of super hero memorabilia. I've never taken my kids in there, and I just knew that Mason would love the store. As soon as we drove up his whole face brightened and he started pointing out all the posters on the store front and naming all the super heroes. He was absolutely mesmerized by everything in the store. We sat on the floor together and looked through comic book after comic book talking about all his favorite characters. Then we looked at all the little toys and posters and gadgets that they had through the store. He was in super hero heaven. It was so cute. The store owner absolutely loved Mason. He even gave him some free memorabilia because he thought he was so cute.

After I was finally able to drag him away, we went and got some frozen yogurt nearby.

It was so fun to sit and visit with my cute and crazy little boy and to make silly faces at each other. He has just grown up so fast. He still feels like my baby, and it's going to be crazy to have another little baby boy to take his place on my lap. I hope he will always know how much I love him and am grateful for him even when I don't have as much time to cuddle with him and spend time with him. He is so smart and sensitive and funny and cute. I love being his Mom and hearing and seeing all the funny things he does everyday. I'm glad I got to spend the morning with him having a fun time together.

Tomorrow is my official due date. Since both of these boys didn't want to budge until a few weeks after my due date, I'm not expecting this pregnancy to be any different. I'm thinking we'll still have a few weeks to hang out together waiting for their baby brother to get here. We're so excited to meet the newest boy in our family and to see what he will be like!

Thank you to everyone who has given me extra kindness-- through your words, actions and support. I love you all!

2011-11-17T21:07:00.000-08:00

It's a quiet night at home tonight. I haven't written in so long that it's hard to know where to begin. Today, and lots of days, I feel really tired. I had a goal that by the time we left out of town for Thanksgiving, I would have the entire house cleaned and organized and ready for the baby. I want every little nook and cranny gone through, but I still have so much to do, and I feel discouraged. I feel like all I'm doing is barely getting by with the necessities-- just getting the house straightened up before Rick gets home, keeping the laundry going, making meals, spending time with the kids, and getting them where they need to go.

Today I called my Mom in frustration and tears. As always she gave me good advice. I expected her to tell me to just focus on doing one extra productive thing today, or something along those lines, but instead she told me that I needed to listen to my body, and that if I push it too hard then I will get sick, and that won't be good for me or the baby. She told me to take it easy today-- to not worry about the house, and to try and get a nap if I could. Then she had me book her a flight, so that she can drive back home with us after Thanksgiving, and stay for a few days and help me get everything done that I want to do. She helped me set up a plan for when she is here that we can accomplish. I felt like a huge weight was just lifted off my shoulders.

I see a lot of people posting what they are grateful for, for the month of November. Today I am so thankful for my Mom. Even if she came to visit me and didn't lift a finger to help (which she would never ever do) just having her nearby is a huge moral booster. I think a good mom is like magic. They lessen burdens and make you feel better just by being near-- even hearing their voice is comforting. I hope that I can be as good of a mom to my kids and future in-laws as my mom has been to me.

I'm also grateful for this little baby boy inside of me (and of course Rick and our other two boys). Right at this moment he has the hiccups and it's making me smile. I'm so excited to have him in my arms and to see what he looks like and what his personality will be like.

That's all the blogging I've got in me tonight, but hopefully I can post more regularly soon. I've got a million thoughts and ideas that I'd love to get down someday.

Love to you all,

Jane
xoxo

Utah Visit

2011-10-15T06:41:00.000-07:00

I always have the hardest time writing blog posts after visiting Utah. The trips are always so full-- packed to the brim with fun activities, and people and places we love. I come home with images and memories that I want to remember, but I have no idea where to begin.

This trip was no different for us. We had a trip to the aquarium, the dinosaur museum, wheeler farm, and corn bellies (a really fun fall-themed outdoor play land for the kids). We had a pony birthday party with the whole family to celebrate four of the recent grand-kid birthdays-- My Mom even rented an actual pony that all the kids got to ride. We took a trip to Huntsville to visit family there, and play with all their animals (cows, chickens, a dog, and the cutest goats I have ever seen!). There was plenty of playing in my parents backyard with friends and cousins. We took a trip up little cottonwood canyon to enjoy the beautiful fall mountains. I had a girls movie and dinner night with my sisters-in-law and had so much fun. I got to see two of my best friends and spend time with them. There was shopping outings to IKEA and errands to be done. And that's just what I can remember off the top of my head. I'm sure I'm forgetting a few things.

So here are a few pictures from our trip. We had a great time seeing everyone. I love my family and friends!

Vaughn at the Dinosaur Museum

Up the Canyon

Mase up the canyon

Up the Canyon

Pony Party!

Traveling Man

2011-10-13T23:07:00.000-07:00

Reykjavik, Iceland

In a few minutes I leave to pick up Rick from the airport. He's been in Europe travelling, and the boys and I went to Utah to visit family since we didn't want to be all on our lonesome.

I'm so tired. We drove home today, and I've already unloaded the car, unpacked and put everything away, cleaned the outside and the inside of the car, gone grocery shopping and stocked our fridge/pantry, gone to the library, gotten us dinner, and gotten the boys bathed and ready for bed.

And here I am, even blogging. I know that if I go lie down for a minute that I'll fall asleep and never wake up.

I thought I'd share a few of the pictures that Rick has sent to me from his trip and some of my random thoughts of the moment.

Hot Springs near Reykjavik, Iceland

Some people think it's strange that I'm okay with my husband travelling around the world for pleasure, while I stay back with the kids. I think they feel sorry for me that I'm being left behind while he's off on an adventure.

Early in our marriage I realized how important travelling was to Rick. He had always talked about all these places he wanted to see, and has always been very interested in maps, and travel books and photography, but I always would nod, and file his wishes for "future dreams" or "things we'll do some day." One night he was standing on the porch with a friend visiting, and when I walked outside to chat with them, he looked at me and said "Jane, I've got to get out see some of these places." There was something in the way that he said it, that I realized his desire for travel and to see the world was much different than my casual interest in new places and land. His went much deeper. If he got to the end of his life and hadn't traveled and experienced parts of the world, he would feel disappointed.

Copenhagen, Denmark:

I also realized, that I had the exact perfect personality to push Rick toward the travels he wanted. Rick makes decisions slowly. He's cautious and thoughtful. In the past, when he's had opportunity for travel, he's made excuses to not go-- not enough money, still in school, or whatever the reason. I could see those same wheels turning in his head that night on the porch. He wanted to travel so badly, but we have young kids, a mortgage, and a million reasons why he shouldn't go. But I'm spontaneous, impulsive, and usually make decisions easily. I could see how important it was to him, and want him to be happy, so I've been pushing him toward his travels since that night.

Stockholm, Sweeden:

Rick does the same for me. He knows the things that are most important to me, and encourages me and pushes me toward those things. He wants me to be happy. Traveling is a much different thing to me than it is to him. I have a desire to see new places and meet new people, but it is perfectly satisfied by a small trip to a beautiful canyon or beach, or a visit to family. Someday, I'm sure we'll travel together, but for now, I'm happy to watch him go and have a good time.

Stockholm, Sweeden:

I can't wait to pick up my Rick in a minute and to hear all about his adventures. I love that boy.

Southern Utah Girls Trip

2011-09-26T16:05:00.000-07:00

This weekend I enjoyed a really fun family girl trip with my Mom, my Grandma Fitzgerald, my Aunt Neldene, my cousin Shelly, and her little boy Austin. My Mom treated us all, and it was so fun spending some time with these women who I admire and love so much.

We started in Zion National Park for one night, and enjoyed the canyon, and visiting, and food. My Grandma, though she's lived in Utah her entire life, had never been to Zion! She was able to take the shuttle up the canyon, and see a little of the beautiful canyon that I love so much.

The next day we headed down to Cedar City, Utah, which hosts the Utah Shakespeare Festival, and enjoyed another night there, and two plays.

Cedar City is one of my favorite places in the world. I spent several years there as a college student, and have such great memories of walking to and from campus, the red mountains right in front of me. I never got tired of its simple beauty. I loved the campus, and all my professors there. Even though my degree is technically from the University of Utah (since I finished my last few classes there), my heart is with SUU, and the experiences I had there.

This was the fiftieth anniversary of the Shakespeare Festival in Cedar City. They do an amazing job with the festival, and have gained national recognition for the work they do. It is a really fun and affordable get-away, and so fun to see some amazing plays.

We watched Noises Off! on Friday night:

I don't think I have ever laughed so hard while watching a play. Everyone was laughing-- hard. Even my Grandma, which is saying something. I left the play with my stomach literally aching. So much fun.

On Saturday afternoon we watched A Winters Tale, by Shakespeare:

It was such a beautiful play. It was visually stunning, and one of my favorite stories from Shakespeare. It made me laugh and cry. I loved it.

After the play we snapped a few pictures together (sadly these were the only pictures I really took all weekend). I loved this one of me and my Grandma:

I started to realize on this trip how old she is getting. I got a little choked up on my drive home thinking of her, and how much I will miss her when she's not here anymore. I'm grateful we had this weekend to spend together. I sure love her, and all the women I spent time with this weekend.

Rick and the boys had fun having a "boy party" while I was away, and I don't think they even missed me. It was nice to have a little break from the responsibilities of Motherhood and taking care of the house.

Thanks for such a fun trip Mom!

Five

2011-09-12T21:20:00.000-07:00

Photo taken by Kashina

Dear Vaughn,

Today you turned five years old. I love when you and Mason have birthdays because I get to remember all the moments before I had you, and when you were a newborn, and the journey with you so far.

I just finished putting you and Mason to sleep and sat in the room singing to you both, while I rocked in the rocking chair and looked out at the dark street. I sat there, even after you had both fallen into sleep, and remembered those first days after I brought you home. I felt so alive, and happy, and euphoric. You were such a strong, beautiful baby, and I thought you were the cutest thing I had ever seen.

I loved taking little walks with you, just around our neighborhood in those first days-- you strapped and cuddled into me, and getting a little sunshine in the early mornings and afternoons. It makes me laugh now to think that I could hold your gigantic personality in such a small space back then. It didn't take long before you gained some mobility, and left that small space in my arms, and you've been on the go ever since.

I love to be a part of your world-- to see the things you create, hear the thoughts in your head, and to watch you interact with the people and things around you. You are an amazing person, with developing talents, abilities, and love for the world and the people, animals, and places in it.

We've had such a fun day celebrating your birth and life today-- with good food, a trip to the park, your first birthday party with friends (a Lego party), gifts, and family time in-between. I'm so glad we had the day to celebrate, and have fun with you.

I'm so grateful to be your Mom, and that you made my transition into Motherhood so easy, especially in those first days. I cherish those memories. You are so sweet, strong, funny, creative, and special. I love you so much.

Happy Fifth Birthday!

Love,
Mom

Three

2011-09-09T20:22:00.000-07:00

Photo taken by my dear friend Kashina

Dear Mason,

Today you turned three years old. I stayed up much too late last night just thinking about the first time I held you in my arms-- how you nestled right in and nursed so well right away, and fit so comfortably in my arms. I've always loved having you close-- holding you, singing to you, and now wrestling and playing with you (still with an occasional snuggle, of course). I can't believe it's already been three years since I first held you. It seems like you've been with our family forever, but it's gone by in just a blink.

We've had the funnest of days. You woke up in the morning and climbed into bed with Dad and I, where we told you happy birthday, sang you a little song, and kissed your cheeks. It didn't take long before you wanted to head downstairs and look at your gifts, so we did.

Vaughn spoiled you with a Robin doll (your favorite super-hero), and Dad got you some Lego figurines, and I got you some books. The three of you boys played with your new toys while I made us some yummy breakfast of bacon, eggs, croissants, and freshly squeezed orange juice. We talked about your favorite things and people while we ate, and had a great time together.

After breakfast and a few preparations, we had your first-ever friend birthday party. It was a Super-hero party, and you had so much fun playing with your favorite friends who came, and playing with your new toys that you got spoiled with.

The rest of the day we've taken it easy-- naps, playing with family, reading, and a big batch of your favorite dinner-- pot stickers (you ate six!). Now you are laying in bed next to your brother, whispering excitedly when you are supposed to be sleeping, and making me smile.

Thank you for being you. Sweet, strong, sensitive, creative, playful, mischievous, loving you. I feel so lucky and blessed to be your Mom-- to get to spend so much time with you and to get to take care of you. You make me happy every single day.

I love you birthday boy.

Love,
Mom

New Camera!

2011-09-03T19:16:00.000-07:00

On Thursday I got my very first DSLR camera! My good friend got a really fancy/professional camera, and she sold me her old one for almost nothing. It's a Cannon Rebel XTi. I'm really excited to have it, and really grateful to my friend for giving me such a great deal. I'm also a bit intimidated by it, but am excited to learn more about exposure, and composition.

Here are my first few pictures I've taken while playing around with the camera (nothing to be proud of, but having a fun time with it!):

Grandma Fitzgerald's Chocolate Chocolate Zucchini Bread & Muffins

2011-09-03T18:25:00.000-07:00

Every summer, when the zucchini's were ripe in my Grandma's garden, she would make batches and batches of her regular zucchini bread, and her chocolate chocolate zucchini bread, and then wrap it up and freeze it in her deep freezer. For months after we would devour her bread on our visits. The chocolate was always the first to go, and it was always a sad day when it was gone.

I still remember the sweet, delicious bread that we all loved so much, and decided to try making it today for my very first time. I decided to go with muffins, and one loaf of bread, because I thought it would be easier to eat and less messy, but I think any way you go it will always taste delicious.

Grandma Fitzgerald's Chocolate Chocolate Zucchini Bread/Muffins

3 Eggs
1 Cup of oil
2 Cups of shredded zucchini
1 Cup white sugar
1 Cup brown sugar
1 tsp. vanilla

-- Mix ingredients together in a mixer (or by hand) and then add:

3 Cups of all-purpose flour
1 tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. baking powder
2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 cup of cocoa powder

-- Mix well and then add:

1 Cup chocolate chips
1 Cup chopped walnuts

--Bake on 350 for 35-40 minutes if you are making bread (this will make about three large loaves), or about 22-25 minutes for muffins (I made 2 dozen, plus one loaf of bread, so I'm guessing if you're doing just muffins, it would make around 3 dozen). I found this GREAT idea on Pinterest where you can cook lots of muffins at one time on a cookie sheet, which is what I did (since I don't have any muffin pans, since my silicone ones burst into flames and started my kitchen on fire-- maybe I'll tell that story one day).

While all this is baking, you can make a glaze to brush on top, which tastes delicious, but is optional.

For the glaze, in a saucepan, melt:

1/4 Cube butter
1/4 Cup milk

Stir, and then add:

About a Cup of powdered sugar (I actually used about 1 1/2 cups
1/4 Cup of cocoa powder
1/2 tsp vanilla

Mix all together, and then brush the tops of your bread/muffins when they come out of the oven.

Delicious!

Travels in Northern California

2011-08-22T14:20:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures from our trip to Northern California for my Grandma's funeral. It was on a Monday, and since Rick doesn't work on Fridays, we decided to take our time there and back, and enjoy some of the beautiful areas near my Grandma's home.

Pacifica, CA

We stayed in a hotel right next to the beach, and slept with the balcony door open, listening to the waves and curling up to the cool breeze and the smell of salt water. It was heavenly.

San Francisco
We had fun on the wharf, and looking at all the boats. We had some great seafood and bread, and enjoyed the sites.

Goofy boys!

Mason street!

Yosemite
Yosemite was a little slice of heaven on our way back home.

(The boys showing off their muscles)

We also spent time in Gilroy, and enjoyed the scent of garlic in the air, and all the fresh produce stands on our way into town.

My family rented a giant house in Angel's Camp (which hosts the jumping frog competition), and we had a nice time spending time as a family, and paying our respects to my Grandma. The cousins had a blast playing in the giant yard and with all the awesome things in the house, and with each other. One of the highlights for me was rehearsing and then getting to sing "Amazing Grace" with my older brother, Paul, for the funeral. It's been so long since I sang with him, and I didn't realize how much I've missed it.

Dear Grandma,

2011-08-20T20:50:00.000-07:00

Early on the third of this month, I got the call that you had passed away from a heart attack on your morning walk. Even though you were 86, and had lived a good full life, I was surprised by the news. On our last visit just this summer, you seemed in such good health-- so energetic and bright. After you left I remember telling Rick that I thought you'd live until 100, and I really did believe that.

I love you Grandma. I have such great memories of driving the long 12 hour drive to your house in Northern California as a child, and spending time in your large house and yard. I loved swinging in the big tree swing, driving to get the mail with Grandpa, taking walks all around the rolling hills, and playing Atari games in your basement with my brothers.

I loved the smell of your house. When we were there for the funeral, it didn't smell like Grandma's house anymore. While sitting in your living room I thought about all the times I had sat in those comfortable chairs and listened to you talk about politics and religion, and ideas that you were interested in. Even at an early age I knew that you were an intelligent woman, who loved reading and talking about ideas and the world, and I loved that about you.

I loved playing the organ in your sitting room, and admiring all of the many many paintings you have painted around your house. I was always amazed by your talent.

At your funeral I loved listening to stories about your childhood and life. I loved Karen's story about how when you were a little girl, you wanted a doll so badly, but your family couldn't buy one, so you dressed your chicken up like a doll and put it in a carriage, and made do with what you had. I loved hearing about your frugality and hard work in adulthood-- how through hard work and sincerity, you became a very successful real estate agent in the Santa Clara Valley, and made enough money to build your beautiful home, retire at fifty, and have enough money to travel the world, and live in comfort until the end.

I thought it was so funny that there were at least four pastors at your funeral, and all of them talked about how much they loved you, and how they were your pastor too. I never realized how many churches you loved visiting, and how you loved learning about so many different religions.

Thank you for being a caring Grandma, who offered me love and encouragement in my choices and life. I don't think you've ever said a negative thing to me in all my life. I remember you as happy, hard working, and strong.

During the funeral my Dad was able to give a few thoughts. He talked about how things at times were really hard in your life and your children's lives, but even when things were their hardest, your love was a constant thing in his life-- a rod that he was able to hold on to, and that it's sustained him through his whole life. He said that it was a gift that you gave to him.

I was very touched by his words. I am the most grateful for the love that you gave to my Dad. I know that it has helped him become the kind of Dad that has made me a better person, and I'm grateful for that.

I love you Grandma, and I will miss you.

Love,
Jane

Lazy Saturday

2011-08-20T20:10:00.000-07:00

Today was my favorite kind of day. Lazy. The house was already clean, the laundry and shopping done, so we took it easy and just spent time as a family all day.

We played Lego's in the morning, and later went up the mountain to take care of a friend's animals while she was out of town. She has fish, chickens, turkeys, and a dog. The kids had fun chasing the chickens around and calling the biggest turkey "Doctor Ugly" (he really is an ugly turkey) while Rick and I took care of their food and water.

Then we all went to Dick Blick for some new art supplies, had lunch, and all got a nap.

After naps Rick took the boys on a little outing, and I got some good reading time in while they were out.

Late afternoon we all painted and drew together, while listening to good music (I've embedded the playlist below).

I love that I have a husband who is artistic. I didn't realize how much I would love that about him, until I married him. He is constantly working on things, creating, and building, and it makes me happy when we can spend time as a family like this.

In the evening I sat on the porch and watched Rick and the boys play football and soccer with a big group of neighbor boys (and one girl). They went up and down the street, laughing and playing together until the day disappeared into dark.

And now I'm here, anticipating a movie and possibly munching on popcorn with my main man in a few minutes.

I hope you've all had a good Saturday, doing things you love to do.

xoxo

Children are like Plants

2011-08-02T22:02:00.000-07:00

When I was younger, my Dad used to say "Kids are like plants. They are going to grow into what they are going to grow into. The best you can do as a parent, is to just not screw them up too bad. They just need the proper nourishment, and room to grow."

I used to think it was funny when he would say this, and would think here he goes comparing us to plants again. But as time has gone on, and especially now that I am a parent myself, I have to say that I think he may be on to something.

People are like plants. Each with its own unique needs, purpose and beauty.

My Dad didn't always think in these terms. As a new parent, he devoured the parenting books and knew exactly the kind of parent he wanted to be. He and my Mom were going to do everything right. And then they had kids (hahahha). Seven of them (hahahha). I think at first things went smoothly. My oldest brother was memorizing and reciting difficult poetry at the age of two-- was an early reader, talker, and walker, was precocious, and basically a genius (as was my next oldest brother). They were bright and happy and perfect (or so they say). I don't know exactly when they realized that they basically had no idea what they were doing, and that everything they thought they were doing right didn't necessarily apply to all their kids, but I think it was about the time me and my younger brother came along. We were hell on wheels (or so they say).

And by the time another three kids came along, and we started sprouting into teenagers-- well, I think that's probably when they just threw the books out the window, and crossed their fingers that we would somehow get to adulthood in one piece. I think this is about the time when my Dad started comparing us to plants.

I was thinking about the plant analogy this weekend as I watched my kids play. Vaughn spent a huge chunk of his Saturday taking care of some potato bugs that he found in the backyard.

This was just the beginning stages of the "house" that he made for them. I watched as he picked each item for his potato bugs, and smiled as he explained what each of the items was for.

Soft feathers, so that they would have something soft for their legs, a spoon for them to climb on and slide down, a skateboard that they could ride around on, and a marble so they could play ball, a flower so that it would smell good and grass and dirt and leaves to play in, as well as food and water. By the end of the day they had quite an elaborate place to play in.

But at the end of the day I looked outside and their house was empty. I asked Vaughn what happened, and he told me that he let them go back into the grass because they needed more space to move. They were trying to climb out and couldn't, and he was worried that they needed to go back home-- maybe they had families that missed them.

He is such a busy boy-- constantly building, moving forward, dreaming about the future, and making his plans. But he is also so so sweet, and sensitive. Earlier in the week when we went to Red Rocks and he was talking about how he wished we could live there, I explained that Native Americans used to live there. I thought he would be fascinated by the way they lived and that it would spark a discussion about the kinds of food they would eat and the way they would cook, or where they would sleep etc... but instead he kept pressing me about why they didn't live there anymore. He kept pressing me with question after question, and when I told him that we took their land away from them, and that some of them died (he asked me directly if any of the Native Americans got killed, and really it took quite a long time to get to this conclusion, because I kept trying to steer it in another direction), he burst into tears and cried for a solid ten minutes.

At Christmastime when we were dropping Rick off at work (which is right near a homeless shelter), Vaughn kept asking why there were so many people on the sidewalk and streets. When I explained that some people don't have houses, he again was brought to tears. Later we were at the hardware store and saw a tool kit for kids. He was thrilled with it and that's all he could talk about wanting for Christmas. Rick and I went out and got it for him, and when he opened his present excitedly on Christmas morning, he told me "Mom! Now I can build houses for the people who are homeless!" It literally brought me to tears-- my sweet sensitive boy who is filled with love for others.

Sometimes I feel sorry for him because he's the oldest, and I'm making all my mistakes with him. Every time he goes through a new stage, or hits a new milestone, I feel like I am caught off balance-- why exactly is he doing that? Did I do something wrong along the way?

When he hit the age of four, it seemed as if he suddenly broke through the surface (if I'm comparing him to a plant), and was suddenly aware of himself in the world and in comparison to others. It's like he constantly has his arms up "Look at me! Look how big I am! Look what I can do!" There seems to be no end to the attention he wants from us and others, and the comparisons with others (Who is bigger? Who is stronger? Who is faster?). Sometimes I think it might make me crazy, but when I look at these pictures above, and watch him play it reminds me of his caring and creative nature. He is who he is. I just need to sit back and enjoy his growth and development, and love him for who he is, which is not hard to do (most of the time). :-)

And then there is Mason. My sweet, adorable, busy little Mason.

He spent the weekend doing what he usually does-- pretending he's a superhero, and following his big brother and parents around.

I try not to, but I often find myself comparing Mason to Vaughn. By the time Vaughn was Mason's age, he was dressing himself, fully potty trained, and could even get the keys off our key chain, open the garage door, and the car door, get in the car and start it (this actually happened once to our horror).

(Here is a cute video I took of him on Saturday-- sorry it is sideways. It might not be cute to anyone else, but I love his smile, and little voice, and that he has the hiccups,)

Mason seems to have no desire to dress himself, or escape from our house on a constant basis-- and not because he's incompetent-- he is just perfectly content to be close to us and staying within certain boundaries. I keep wondering why he's not fiercely independent like his older brother, and wondering if this is normal. Do I need to worry about him not knowing how to climb to the highest shelves in the pantry and opening every door and cupboard in the house?

I love spending time with him, and talking with him, watching him play, and listening to him sing-- goodness how this boy likes to sing! Whenever we go to the library, the librarians, who know us by name, say "here comes out little singer!"

I love that he's so different from his brother in so many ways-- that I get to watch and wonder about both of them.

And then there is the new baby inside of me. I can feel him kick on a constant basis now. I'm already excited to see what he will be like-- to hold him, to watch him grow, and to be who he is going to be.

Sometimes motherhood can be crazy. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing things right, or am doing a good enough job. But mostly I feel lucky to be a Mom. For these sweet, amazing, beautiful little boys that I get to spend so much time with-- that Rick and I get to witness from the moment of conception, the miraculous unfolding and growth that is uniquely them.

Hopscotch!

2011-07-28T11:39:00.000-07:00

Vaughn got really interested in hopscotch a few months ago. We drew one in chalk outside, and then I explained the rules and he was out there every chance he got.

Once it started to get too hot to play outside he started creating his own inside with pillows, and cushions, and whatever he could find, but it would often lead to frustration, because the pieces wouldn't stay, and he couldn't play the way he wanted to, so I started to look for some other options.

I finally settled on this play carpet from Amazon. I thought it was a reasonable price (and I got free shipping with my prime account), I liked the bright colors, and knew it would be sturdy and last a long time. It also came with two bean bags. I love that it stores easily, and can be used indoor or outdoors, upstairs or downstairs, etc...

We've been having lots of fun with it so far. I think I might be having the most fun with it though, if I'm totally honest. I have so many great memories of hours and hours of hopscotch play at recess with friends, hoppy taw in hand (remember those things?), and my blond hair flopping in the sunshine with each jump. I'm not gonna lie-- I was really good back in the day.

But my boys are already giving me a run for this pregnant mommy's money. I'm so proud. :-)

There were some other really great ideas online for hopscotch, and a lot of fun ideas for variations on rules. Here were some of my favorites:

Outdoor Painted Hopscotch (loved the bright colors, and some fun links to variations in rules)
Hopscotch Mat by a Girl and her Gluegun (this is such a fun idea. I still might make it in the future if I start feeling crafty!)
Beautiful Handmade Mat from Etsy
Cute Quilted Mat (If I actually ever made one of these I'd never let my kids jump on it for fear of ruining it!)
Indoor Hallway Hopscotch (I would totally do this in our upstairs hallway if we had hardwood floors)
Large Indoor Rug

I still think it's best outside, just drawn in chalk-- and I'm sure we'll still play that way when it gets cooler out there, but for now we're enjoying our new mat inside.

Hopscotch rules!

xoxo

Home

2011-07-27T15:01:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been feeling really irritable. For no good reason. My fuse has been short. The littlest things cause me annoyance, and I feel like I've been a terrible wife/mom/friend. Yesterday I felt like I was at the end of my rope. The kids were running around our house, and when I say "like wild animals" I am not exaggerating. Trust me. I kept trying to take deep breaths-- relax, and find ways to connect with them in a meaningful way. I did find a few good moments, but by the end of the night my stomach was in knots with stress. I think I was actually having contractions, which I'm sure cannot be good.

I went to bed wondering why I'm feeling so uptight and irritable. I can't blame it all on pregnancy (or can I?). Right before falling asleep I had the thought come to me that I need to be filling my time with things that "fill me up" the most. That I needed to take a close look at how I am spending the bulk of my time, and what is bringing me happiness, and what is draining me.

I love when truths come to me in such a simple way.

This morning I woke up, and I knew that I needed to get to the canyons. I've been spending little time there since the summer, mostly because it's way too hot to climb and hike in the day, and I've had the hardest time peeling myself out of bed and getting going in the morning. But it was 6:15am when the kids awoke me, and I knew we could get a good couple of hours in before the hot sun settled in.

I'm so happy that I decided to go. We got a quick slice of bread, and packed the camera, some water and fruit with us, and were hiking by 7 in seventy degree weather, mostly in the shade.

No matter how many times we step into this beautiful place, I'm always amazed by its beauty, and how it seems to transform us. The kids play together in such a sweet way. They examine the things around them with awe. We smile and laugh and feel so alive.

"Here's a fwower for you Mom."

The boys were excited to find a few wild flowers and picked some for me, which I put in my hair (after we had a conversation about why we shouldn't pick the flowers here). :-)

We did our usual climbing and exploring, and found a whole new space that we've never seen before on this turnoff, because it's usually blocked by a large pool of water. We were all so excited by the new cliffs and caves and ledges and rocks.

The boys found some good sticks to hike with, and we even saw some lizards, a jackrabbit, and plenty of birds.

Their favorite spot was this little area (above), which they made into their house. They went through organizing rocks into rooms and areas, and kept saying how they wish we could live at Red Rocks.

This was their kitchen table, where we stopped and had a dinner of oranges and water. I was their server. When I told the boys that the sun was getting hot and that it was time to go home Mason exclaimed "But we are home!"

After getting home we met some friends at the pool and enjoyed the cool water, and play and conversation. The boys are napping now, and I think I'll join them.

I'm grateful for the things that fill me up the most in life, and am hoping I can spend more time doing the things that bring me the most happiness.

NurtureShock

2011-07-25T21:30:00.000-07:00

Last week I read the book NurtureShock by Po Bronson & Ashley Merryman.

I loved the book and got through it really quickly. I hesitate in calling it a "parenting book," because even though it talked about children and parenting, it seemed more grounded in science and statistics-- which may sound boring, but it absolutely wasn't. It actually reminds me a lot of the book Freakanomics, which I also really enjoyed.

In each chapter I found valuable information, with easily applicable methods and ideas. It also completely changed my thinking about certain areas of childhood development (like why siblings fight and lie), and really piqued my interest in areas that I was completely oblivious to before (like gifted programs in school, and the Tools of the mind program based on the theories of Vygotskian).

I highly recommend this book to anyone who works with or is around children on a regular basis. Here are the chapters and headings, so you can get a better idea of some of the topics covered in the book:

Introduction

Why our instincts about children can be so off the mark.

THE INVERSE POWER OF PRAISE Sure, he's special. But new research suggests if you tell him that, you'll ruin him. It's a neurobiological fact.
THE LOST HOUR Around the world, children get an hour less sleep than they did thirty years ago. The cost: IQ points, emotional well-being, ADHD, and obesity.
WHY WHITE PARENTS DON'T TALK ABOUT RACE Does teaching children about race and skin color make them better off or worse?
WHY KIDS LIE We may treasure honesty, but the research is clear. Most classic strategies to promote truthfulness just encourage kids to be better liars.
THE SEARCH FOR INTELLIGENT LIFE IN KINDERGARTEN Millions of kids are competing for seats in gifted programs and private schools. Admissions officers say it's an art: new science says they're wrong, 73% of the time.
THE SIBLING EFFECT Freud was wrong. Shakespeare was right. Why siblings really fight.
THE SCIENCE OF TEEN REBELLION Why, for adolescents, arguing with adults is a sign of respect, not disrespect-- and arguing is constructive to the relationship, not destructive.
CAN SELF-CONTROL BE TAUGHT? Developers of a new kind of preschool keep loosing their grant money-- the students are so successful they're no longer "at-risk enough" to warrant further study. What's their secret?
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS Why modern involved parenting has failed to produce a generation of angels
WHY HANNAH TALKS AND ALYSSA DOESN'T Despite scientists' admonitions, parents still spend billions every year on gimmicks and videos, hoping to jump-start infants' language skills. What's the right way to accomplish this goal?

CONCLUSION

The Myth of the Supertrait.

Moments

2011-07-23T23:09:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening Rick was sitting on our bed playing the guitar. I was in the midst of getting the boys ready for bed, but when I walked by our room and saw him sitting there, the thought of laying on the bed next to him and listening to him play was just too inviting, so I did. The boys quickly hopped on the bed with us, and soon we were wrapped up in a sweet family moment.

Rick and Mason sat side by side, and Mason strummed the guitar and started singing "Moving to the country, gonna eat a lot of peaches...." He was so into the strumming and Rick and I sang the song right along with him, which made him grin.

Vaughn was shimmying his way up our bed post, and climbing to the top of it. He would smile proudly when he'd reach the top and say "Look at me! Look what I can do!" After he was done climbing and jumping around our bed, he took a turn at the guitar too. He made up his own song that was also a story. I wish I could remember what it was about.

We all just sat there for a good twenty or thirty minutes singing, laughing, climbing, and visiting.

I remember as a child and adolescent having similar moments at home. There were so many times when my parents would be sitting in bed relaxing or visiting with their door open, and it was like a magnet for me and my siblings. Soon it seemed like whoever was home, would pile on the bed and we'd all just visit and joke and spend time together. I think we even had a name for it. We called it "the family flop." At least I think we did.

Often times as a mother I wonder what I will miss most about this time in my life. There is a quote from the president of my church, Thomas S. Monson, that I've often heard quoted. He said:

"Rather than dwelling on the past, we should make the most of today, of the here and now, doing all we can to provide pleasant memories for the future…If you are still in the process of raising children be aware that the tiny fingerprints that show up on almost every newly cleaned surface, the toys scattered about the house, the piles and piles of laundry to be tackled, will disappear all too soon, and that you will, to your surprise, miss them, profoundly."

I love this quote, but I like to joke that as nice as a man as I'm sure he is, he was most decidedly not the one who was cleaning up fingerprints and tackling piles of laundry on a regular basis. I'd love to hear what his wife misses the most about raising young children.

I wonder though, if I will miss those things after my children are grown. I really don't know. There are things that I'm certain I will miss-- their sweet little faces and voices. The funny things they say every day, and the cute questions they ask. Nursing them, holding them and singing to them. Reading them stories. Playing with them.

But I also think that the simple moments like last night-- the sweet times together as a family where nothing really significant happens will be some of the memories that I both cherish and miss the most when my children are grown.

They are the moments that I feel the most happy to be right where I am with the people I love most.

Swords

2011-07-21T12:18:00.000-07:00

My Dad spontaneously made the kids some "Grandpa swords" out of some scraps of white pine and cedar in his wood shop while we were in town.

The kids have been playing with their new toys a lot! And we haven't even had any major injuries with them (yet). :-)

Thanks Dad! You are the coolest Grandpa ever.

2011-07-15T13:37:00.000-07:00

I just started a Pinterest account the other day, and I LOVE it! I think I might already be addicted. I've wished for quite a long time, that I could easily categorize items in my Google Reader, and Pinterest has been perfect for that. It's fun too, to be able to add images and links to so many different sources online and have them in one place for me have easy access to. I also love being able to browse through others boards, and finding inspiration there.

So...if you'd like to browse through my boards, here's my account: http://pinterest.com/sweetestjane/. I think that should take you to me.

If you are using Pinterest, please let me know! I'd love to check you out. :-)

Loves,
Jane

New Play Corner!

2011-07-13T15:06:00.000-07:00

I couldn't resist an impulse buy at Costco the other day when I saw this shelving unit for $25. I've been wanting to do something like this for a while, so that the kids have some of their play things (which are usually in our large wooden box, aka: the toy box, or crammed into a tiny little closet that I've organized with toys and craft supplies), but I didn't want to spend a lot on shelving, and I also wanted something that I can modify or change if needed. These shelves are really easy to put together, and can be put together in a lot of different ways.
I was really inspired by this post at The Sleepytime Gal (I originally found the post through Silly Eagle Books, one of my favorite blogs). I'd really love to rotate what is in this space with my kid's developing interests, and I especially love the idea of pairing books with specific objects, and seeing what my kids do with them.
I've noticed how much more my kids use, and play with items when they are easily accessible to them (an obvious concept, I know, but it took me a while to figure that out!). :-)
So far I've been the most surprised at how often they get out the puppets, and interact stories, scenes, and play with them (they hardly ever got used before). It's been fun to watch!
I love how much more space I have in my craft closet now, and our "toy box" now just houses their dress-ups.
Here's a few pictures (okay, a lot) of our new space:

Cherry Berry Ruchi Smoothie

2011-07-13T09:07:00.000-07:00

My favorite thing first thing in the morning is to make the boys and I a smoothie. My favorite since getting pregnant is what we call our Cherry Berry Ruchi smoothie (after one of our favorite books, Tikki Tikki Tembo).

Here's what I use to make them:

For one single serving (I split the boys smoothie into two cups) I use:

2 frozen strawberries
Handful of mixed frozen berries (about 1/4 cup)
Handful of frozen sweet cherries (they make the smoothie! They sell them at my Costco, but last year I bought several boxes in bulk and pitted them and froze them in my freezer. 'Tis the season for cherries right now!)
Half a banana (really sweetens the smoothie up, and makes it smooth)
3/4 cup of milk (I'm very particular about how thick my smoothie is. I like it pretty thick, so sometimes I do a little less milk).
Large handful of spinach (about 1/2 cup). Pack it in there! You can't taste it, and it's a great way to get a serving of vegetables to start your day.
Couple spoonfuls of organic plain low-fat yogurt. This really adds a little tartness to the flavor, which I love, plus it's got good stuff in there for you. :-)
Large spoonful of ground flax seed. This is a great ingredient to add for its fiber, antioxidants, Omega-3, and fatty acids.

That's it! Here it is before we whir it all together:

And our finished product:

It really is so delicious, smooth, and refreshing. One serving is about 250 calories, and paired with a small bowl of oatmeal or a piece of toast keeps me satisfied for hours. It makes me happy to start our morning with so many fruits and vegetables. We all love it!

My Totally Righteous Kids

2011-07-10T19:21:00.000-07:00

This is the picture that Vaughn brought home from church today. If you can't decipher his coloring, this is a picture of Dracula (with blood dripping down his shirt). Then he folded it into a paper airplane. When I asked Vaughn what they talked about in class, he said "Jesus, airplanes, aliens on Mars, and the sun and the moon. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall in that classroom to hear what my child had to say in class.

Then later in the day I was lying down next to Mason for nap time. He started singing in his sweet little voice "A Child's Prayer." Here was Mason's version:

Heavenly Father, are you really there?
And do you hear and answer every child's prayer?
Some say that Heaven is far away,
but I feel it close around me as I poop... [that should be pray, in case you're wondering]

He also loves replacing the words in "Scripture Power" to "the power that I get each time I poop!" [read]

And he of course was wearing his sly little smile. He really enjoys his irreverent humor, and I have to say that I do too.

I hope you're all enjoying your Sunday friends. I know we are. :-)

Sunfire

2011-07-10T17:22:00.000-07:00

The kids and I just got back from a week in Utah. It was a really fun, busy and beautiful trip. We had a baby blessing of my youngest nephew, a baptism of my oldest niece, and trips and hikes up into the mountains, walks around the neighborhood, swimming and picnics, a parade and fireworks for the fourth of July, a family trip to Jungle Jim's, and a day at Lagoon.

The kids and I had so much fun spending time with all their cousins, and with my family.

This is a picture I snapped in my parents backyard. A whole section of their yard is lined with rose bushes. They've been there since my Dad planted them twenty-five years ago. Three of the bushes are called Sunfire roses, which can no longer be purchased. While we were there my Dad was telling me about these rose bushes, and telling me how beautiful they are when the western sun hits them at the right angle-- they glow the most brilliant hue of red and orange, and deserve their name. This winter was a hard one on roses in Utah, and he had thought he had lost them, but here they were-- blossoming and radiant.

My entire childhood I spent romping around our backyard, and I don't think I had ever quite appreciated what a beautiful flower they were until my Dad talked to me about them, and I watched them one late afternoon as my kids picked raspberries, strawberries, and peppermint in the backyard.

So many of my trips back home remind me of this-- I spent my entire childhood there, and only now feel like I am gaining an appreciation of the absolute brilliancy and beauty of the valley I grew up in and the mountains that surrounded me. I could say the same for my family. I cherish those relationships and each of the members of my family the older I get.

I'm so glad I had some time at home with people I love, to soak it all up for a while.

Summer Activity Calendar

2011-06-29T13:08:00.000-07:00

Last year, and this year, my ward (church) has created a summer activity calendar for all the families in the ward. The people who organized this handed out a sign up sheet during church, and then anyone could volunteer an afternoon, and be in charge for a day with any idea they have. Really, even when you volunteer, all you have to do is show up, and hang out with whoever shows up.

I love it! It's so nice to have a full calendar all summer long to look at, and decide which activities you want to go to. My kids have so much fun playing with all the other kids who are there, and I love visiting with all the other Moms. It's also a great way to invite neighbors, and create a better community with those you live around. There's no pressure to go to activities-- it's just there for whoever is looking for a fun activity.

I scanned our June calendar in, and thought I'd share the idea, since it's such a great one.

I'm really grateful to the people who have planned this and put it together. It really brightens up our summer!

Friendship (and Cheesecake!)

2011-06-23T09:34:00.000-07:00

My dear friend Kashina just stopped by and dropped off this super delicious homemade cheesecake and a card because today is my half birthday, and because my birthday is on December 23rd, she never gets to see me on my actual birthday. Is that not the sweetest thing? It made me cry. The card that she gave me says:

"Having a sweet friend to share your heart with means a lot of things-- like always having support, and laughter, and memories...and it means you're blessed...really, really blessed."

I could not agree more. I'm so so grateful for the friendships that I have. I can't imagine my life without them. Thanks a million dear friend for making my (half birthday) day. :-) Love ya!

p.s. I'm off in a little bit to find out if we are having a boy or a girl. I'm so excited and nervous I feel like I might throw up (but that could just be pregnancy too, haha).

Pattern Blocks

2011-06-22T08:22:00.000-07:00

I got these pattern blocks for the kids a few weeks ago, and they've had lots of fun playing with them.

Pattern Blocks

Within minutes of opening them for the kids Vaughn had created an intricate pattern, and then started making guys kicking a ball, and bouncing a ball on their heads.

I know the picture quality is horrible, but I really think these guys playing ball are cute!

And Mason's creation makes me smile too. He was building a Batcave (of course!).

I love toys like this. They've been great for fine motor skills, creativity, color and shape recognition, spatial reasoning, and beginning math skills. I feel like whispering to their future selves "hey, you're doing geometry, and you're having fun doing it." :-)

Rick and I actually love playing with the kids with these too. Yesterday I just printed off these great cards (free, and also a great blog), and introduced those to the kids as well. I thought they would use them as a template to put the blocks on top of, but Vaughn looked disgusted when I showed him that-- he wanted to look at the picture, and then make his own just like it right next to the card.

Fun stuff!

My Dad

2011-06-19T21:59:00.000-07:00

Today I got to give a talk in church about gospel learning in the home. Because it was Father's Day, I talked a little about my Dad, and his life, his conversion to the LDS church, and the way he taught the gospel in our home growing up. I loved having the opportunity to think about gospel learning in the home, and especially about my Dad.
There are a lot of people in this life that I admire and love, but none that I admire and love more than my Dad. He did not have an easy childhood. At the age of five, his father who was an alcoholic, abandoned his family, and my Dad never saw him again until he sought him out as an adult, right before his father died. My Dad said that his father leaving left a hole in his heart that he thought could never be filled.
There were times after this that his family lived in severe poverty-- where he didn't have any food to eat. When his Mom remarried, it was to a man who was also an alcoholic, and very violent. My Dad spent the rest of his childhood with daily verbal and physical abuse.
When my Dad left home as a young man after getting drafted into the army for the Vietnam war, he said that he didn't know what he wanted in life, but he knew that it was different than what he came from.
While he was in the army, my Dad who was a big reader, happened upon the book Articles of Faith by James E. Talmage. He didn't know anything about the Mormon Church, or even that James E. Talmage was a Mormon, but the words of this book really resonated with him. He agreed with the words that he read, and began to seek out more, and eventually was converted to the LDS church.
After leaving the army, my Dad made the decision to serve a mission for the church, even though he was older than the typical 19 year old male missionaries that he was serving with. He worked hard, and learned a lot from his missionary experience.
After that, he attended BYU, where he met my Mom, and got his bachelors and masters in accounting, and an MBA. He chose a career path, that would allow him to be home with his family, and that would offer him stability in his retirement.
He and my Mom had seven beautiful (if I do say so myself) children, and were amazing parents. They were loving, hard working, forgiving, and sacrificed everything to be the kind of parents that they wished they had had.
When I think of my Dad, I can't help but think of the ripple affect that his wise decisions have made for good in the world. All of my six brothers have served missions throughout the world, and have shared the happiness that the gospel can bring to countless others. His children have all married wonderful people, who have similar values, and who want to raise our children in love and happiness.
I still don't know how he did it. When I've asked him in the past, he says that he didn't know how to raise the kind of family he wanted, but he knew that if he was obedient, and followed the Church leaders, that they wouldn't lead him astray. He talks about how the gospel should be a natural and fluid thing--- how we can only take one step at a time, and be lead by a loving Heavenly Father. He talks about how he thought that the hurt that he felt from his own father leaving, over time has healed with the love of his family.
There are times when I think about my Dad as a young boy-- about the age of my little Vaughn now, and his father leaving, and all the horrible abuse he went through, and my heart aches for that young boy. I wish I could go to him, and put my arms around him, and tell him all about the wonderful family he will have-- how much we will all admire, respect, and love him. I wish I could comfort him with the songs that bring my own boys comfort, and make him laugh with the funny stories that he will experience with his own family. I wish for just a moment I could help him see his potential.
There is a quote that I've always loved by Ganhdi that says "You must be the change you wish to see in the world." I almost always think of my Dad when I read this quote. He was the change he wished to see in the world. He has made a difference in the world, through hard work, obedience, humility, and love.

And I am a better person because of it.

I love you Dad,

Janey

Fridays

2011-06-10T22:45:00.000-07:00

Fridays are usually my favorite day of the week. Rick works Monday through Thursday, and it's the start of our weekend. He always gets up with the boys, makes them breakfast (usually french toast), and then takes them to the park. So I usually get to sleep in, or just lay in bed an extra hour and two and just read, or daydream in peace and quiet. :-)

This morning I went outside to bring the garbage cans back in the house right when then boys were pulling up from the park. The garage door was open, and the car was parked in the driveway. To my smile and "hello!" Vaughn replied "you can go back inside Mom. We're going to work in the garage."

So I left the boys to their garage work, and sneaked a peak at them occasionally, and got a few pictures.

Vaughn had fun putting on his tool belt and rainbow suspenders, climbing the ladder, and doing his important work. He also had fun pounding nails into scraps of wood that Rick gave him, and handling a screwdriver with some screws that were placed there for him too.

Mason had fun measuring things with his ruler. He said my eyes were a "four," and my arm was a "nine!" He also measured my leg and elbow, and tried to measure the kitty before he ran for his life.

Rick has recently hung a bunch of drywall sheets around the garage so that he and the boys can paint whatever their hearts desire out there. This is what he worked on today.

(This is a project he did a few weeks ago while we were in Utah visiting family. He wanted to surprise the boys with it when they got home, and surprised they were! It's now hanging in the garage, and gets many young-boy admiration while neighbor kids ride their bikes around our neighborhood)

And this is what the boys worked on today while Rick was painting. I've wanted to try a larger scale art project with them for a while now, but this is the first we've tried something like this. I'll have to get some much larger bottles of paint, and some larger brushes, etc... I wasn't very well prepared for the project, but they still had fun.

Domino was very curious about all this painting business.

The final project they both told me was a map. Vaughn pointed out our house, and his friends houses, and Africa. He also pointed out various lakes and trees. Mason pointed to his road, and said "it goes all the way from China to Gotham City."

Besides the boys swimming in the kiddie pool out back, reading lots of good books, and an unsuccessful shopping trip for maternity clothes (why are maternity clothes so ugly? All I wanted was a cute wrap around dress or a cute A-line skirt and maybe a few tops, but everything was terribly frilly and ruffly and I didn't find a thing. Anyway...) we didn't do much else for the day.

I love me some lazy family Fridays. They're my favorite.

p.s. I just finished reading Travels with Charley in Search of America, by Steinbeck, and loved every minute of it. Funny, thoughtful, and intelligent. Steinbeck is fast becoming one of my favorite writers ever.

Cyclops

2011-06-07T08:57:00.000-07:00

On Sunday Vaughn drew this picture of Cyclops from X-Men:

I love the X-Men symbol on his shirt, the five fingers on each hand, and his little smile, but what I love the most about his little picture is the phonetic spelling that he worked so hard on across the top. He sat there for a long time staring into the distance, and sounding the word out slowly, and then every once in a while saying "Oh yeah!" and jotting down another letter in the sequence. He didn't even ask me how to spell it, and beamed with pride when Rick and I praised his drawing and said "Oh my goodness! You even spelled Cyclops! Wow!"

So cute.

Mornings

2011-06-02T07:38:00.000-07:00

Ever since Mother's Day, when Rick and the boys brought me breakfast in bed, my boys have been continuing the tradition, and bringing me breakfast in bed many mornings. The first time they brought me breakfast in bed (on their own), I was laying in bed while they played downstairs, trying to get just a little bit more sleep in. They both came upstairs, proudly carrying a cookie sheet with a napkin draped across and a carrot, apple, orange, granola bar, and a bowl and a spoon. They had huge smiles on their faces and Vaughn said "Here Mom! We brought you some healthy food for you and your baby."

They've done it many mornings since, and I absolutely love hanging out with my boys in our bed in the morning, eating whatever breakfast they bring for us, and visiting and goofing around.

I always want to remember these mornings, and my sweet sweet boys. Here are some pictures I snapped this morning.

I tried to get one of the three of us together, but it just didn't work out. These guys make me a happy Mom.

Mase Man

2011-05-31T20:53:00.000-07:00

Earlier today I was looking through pictures, and came across this one. It made me smile, and then I got all sad about it, because he's just not my baby anymore. I remember feeling the same way when I was pregnant with Mason, and looking at baby pictures of Vaughn. Something about having a new baby on the way, just makes me mourn a little for the baby that has grown up (and I'm sure the pregnancy hormones help in the emotional department).

Mason has always been the sweetest boy. I feel so lucky, because I get to see the sweetest of him, because I'm his Mom and he's a mama's boy through and through. Just a week or two ago, in the midst of running around and playing he came up to me, wrapped his arms around my neck and said "I sure love you Mommy." He gives such sincere expressions, and has such a cute little voice, that he probably has more power than anyone to manipulate me into doing what he wants.

He also has such a funny little personality. He is constantly doing and saying little things that make me laugh. The other day we were taking a walk, and he stopped in front of a fence with a barking dog behind it. He stared at the dog for a minute and then said "cock-a-doodle-doo!" loudly, while flapping his arms as if they were wings. Yesterday during a quiet moment he looked over at me and said "Bonjour stupid," with a sly little smile on his face (really I should have gotten after him for saying stupid, but I couldn't help but burst out laughing). Today while taking a bath, he stood up with a stack of Legos on his head and said "I'm the king of Venice!...Ahhh...ahhh...ahhh...CHOO!" And with the "choo" let his stack of Legos fall to the water, and then laughed so hard he could hardly breath. He did it over and over again, as if it was the best joke in the world.

He adores his older brother, and follows him around all day long playing along with whatever Vaughn comes up with. When he gets tired of it, he comes and finds me and sometimes I can still get some cuddles out of him. He also adores his Dad, and loves when he comes home so he can play with him.

He's obsessed with Superheroes, especially Batman and Robin, and wakes up talking about them, and goes to sleep talking about them.

He cries when his hands get dirty, or when he spills his food, or when he can't draw what he's picturing in his head, and laughs at a good joke, or funny facial expressions.

I can't imagine our family without Mase. I adore my little boy, and wish he wouldn't grow up so terribly fast.

2011-05-31T08:32:00.000-07:00

On Friday we left to spend our weekend with Rick's sister Peggy and her son Cole in Gilbert, Arizona (near Phoenix). It was a nice relaxing weekend, and we enjoyed ourselves, as we always do visiting Peggy and Cole.

The kids loved wrestling and playing with Cole, and putting him in jail:

One of the nights we went scorpion hunting in the backyard with a black light, and found a couple of them. They glow a bright florescent yellow under the light, and look like this (not my picture):

It was creepy and cool. The kids loved it.

We ate lots of great food, and went swimming, and were able to visit and relax.

Peggy has her own pottery wheel, and she taught me how to throw my own pot. Here is my finished product:

I know it's not much to look at, but I'm still proud. It's harder than it looks! You need some muscle to work the clay. Peggy is going to fire it up and glaze it for me. Maybe it will be cute on my nightstand to put jewelery in.

Well I better go. Mason just came upstairs and when I asked him what Vaughn is doing outside he said "He's teaching Domino to be nice to the dogs." (Our next door neighbors have two large dogs that have dug a pretty big hold under the fence). Yikes! Sounds like I need to rescue Domino.

Hope you all had a nice Memorial Day weekend.

xoxo

80's Pop

2011-05-17T21:04:00.000-07:00

Since getting pregnant, I've been trying to be good about going to the gym. The problem is that I don't really like the gym. I know I was all excited about it in the beginning, because it was such a great deal, but it's full of people, and noise, which are both things I don't like in large doses. Plus they make some sort of breakfast burrito at the cafe or something that smells so awful, that when I walk in the doors with that peculiar mixture of breakfast burrito, sweat, and clorox wipes/hand sanitizer smell, it really makes me want to throw up.

Anyway...I was a sucker, and I regret it, but I'm going to have to stick it out, plus I know it's really good for me, and will make my labor easier if I exercise.

Recently though I discovered the 80's Pop video station at the gym, and it's totally rocking my workout.

I was born at the end of 77. For most of my childhood we didn't have a TV, and when we did get one, we never had cable, so I completely missed out on the MTV craze, which I now realize, is sort of a shame. I of course heard the 80's pop music, but by the age of eight I heard my first Grateful Dead song, and they became my favorite band, and by the time I was a teenager I was in love with Led Zeplin, The Doors, Bob Marley, and Pink Floyd (so I was basically a pot-smoking hippie).

45 minutes on the eleptical trainer with my ear phones plugged into the little TV in front of me, watching and listening to these videos, and the time flies right on by. I really spend half my time laughing my head off, which makes me feel like I'm getting a good ab workout too.

Here are a few of my favorites:

I actually liked Duran Duran even as a teenager. Every time I hear them though, I think of this time my parents sent me on a Greyhound bus to visit my relatives in Montana. I was 14 years old, and traveled alone. Driving from my parents to my relatives usually took about four hours, but on this particular bus trip we left at 10pm, and didn't arrive until 6am the next morning. The bus driver was a chain-smoker and stopped every hour (at least) to smoke, and looked exactly like that guy from the movie Ghost who yells "Get off my train!" I was the only female on the bus, there was an old drunk guy in back of me who kept peeking at me through the seats, and told me I looked like an angel when I slept. There was also a really weird 19 year old boy who sat right next to me and loved Duran Duran. He talked about them forever. He even had his walkman and made me listen to some of his homemade Duran Duran tapes. He kept sitting closer and closer to me, and at one point rested his head on my shoulder. That's when I turned my back against the window, put both my feet against his legs, and pushed him right off the seat into the aisle, on his Duran Duran-loving behind. He wouldn't talk to me the rest of the drive, and I was very happy for that. Being the only girl living with six brothers taught me a thing or two about defense mechanisms (hiyah!).

I know this is a weird thing to say, but the girl from Roxette is hot. If I could go for any look (besides the pot smoking hippie look) I would go for the super-short cool hair, super-skinny look.

Devo, You Must Whip It
You have to watch this one. It is sooo funny and weird, and it contributes greatly to my ab workout.

A Flock of Seagulls, I Ran
Okay, this is not one of my favorites, but I just have to say that A Flock of Seagulls are so weird, and they kind of creep me out.

This makes me want to get off the elliptical trainer and just shake my booty right there on the gym room carpet. Girls got soul.

How many drugs do you think were consumed in the 80's?

Had to save the best for last. The eighties wouldn't have been the eighties without MJ.

I know that I'm barely skimming the surface, and that I'm three decades late in discovering these videos, but they make me happy in the morning when I'm at the gym trying not to throw up.

What are your favorites from the 80's?

Camping at Carpenteria

2011-05-16T20:52:00.000-07:00

We just got back from a weekend of camping in Carpenteria, California. It is a beautiful little seaside town just fifteen miles south of Santa Barbara. Our good friends, the Shumways invited us, and shared their campsite, which was about a hundred feet from the beach.

Everything was so clean, and lush and green, and it was so nice spending the weekend with family, and friends, and listening to the ebb and flow of those blue pacific waves.

Vaughn was in his element. He had friends to play with, and I swear he could have played in the water all weekend long and not gotten sick of it. There were perfect climbing trees right at our campsite, and he spent a good amount of time climbing and dangling from branches. He told me that his favorite thing from the trip was roasting marshmallows.

This is our campsite. Just over the little trail above is the beach:

Rick was so sweet with the boys, and spent lots of time playing in the water with them, and also taking his kayak out. He said that his favorite thing from the trip was playing with the boys in the water.

Mason was happy to just play in the sand, but was a little afraid of the water. He kept yelling at everyone to "come back, come back!" when the waves would come in. He told me his favorite thing from the trip was "Not taking a bath."

I had lots of favorites from the trip, but I think my most favorite, was just waking up in the morning in our tent, listening to the waves, and my boys (Rick is one of my boys too) cute faces all around me.

It was a great weekend, and an amazing place to go camping, and we're grateful to our friends for sharing the experience with us!

Dear Mom,

2011-05-07T21:26:00.000-07:00

Tonight I'm sitting here on the eve of Mother's Day thinking about you, and how much you mean to me. It's been a rougher week of motherhood, with this new baby inside of me slowing me down, and making me feel so very tired. It's been good for me though, to slow down, and to focus on what really are the most important things in my life, which always boils down to my family.

Usually when I have days (or weeks) where I feel overwhelmed, I have an uneasy feeling like this all isn't really my responsibility. I'm just living in a dream world, and at any moment, the real Mom (you) will step in and rescue me. I wonder at what point I will feel I am as capable as the real Mom-- or if that moment will ever come at all.

Tonight I'm feeling especially grateful for all the lessons you've taught me in life through the way you've lived and loved those around you.

You have taught me the importance of getting involved. From the youngest age you encouraged us in our interests, and made sure that we understood the importance of developing those interests, not only to better ourselves, but to meet other people with similar interests, and gain friendships. This has helped me so much in life, and has brought me a lot of happiness.

You have taught me the value of hard work. I will never forget the time last year when you called me feeling a little down, and asked me if you were lazy. I think I burst out laughing, and answered with an assured "No!" because you are about the last person in the world I would call lazy. I never call you without a grandchild you are taking care of, or a person you are helping out, or an event you are helping put together. You cooked all my meals, cleaned our house and raised seven kids. You are one of the hardest workers I know, and now that I have my own work to do and some perspective I am so grateful for this example, and a bit awed by it. It makes me tired just thinking about it. :-)

You taught me the value of play. There were so many games you played with us-- so many trips to parks, and pools, and fun places. So many parties, and friends filling the house and yard. You got down on the floor and played with us, and still do with your grandkids, and I'm especially grateful for learning this, because it's brought me joy, both as a child, and now as an adult with my own kids.

You taught me the value of learning. By getting your degree in early childhood education when you were nine months pregnant with your first baby, you paved the road for me and each of my brothers to gain an education, and to marry people who valued it as well. Even though you never "technically" used your degree, you spent hours with all of us working on homework and projects and reading to us. You always had your nose in a book or were listening to audio books (and still are), and taught me the joy that comes from reading and learning.

You taught me the value of service, and the happiness that comes from helping others. I can't think of you without thinking of the hours and hours of service you have given to the people around you. Your family, your friends, your neighbors, and sometimes even strangers. You are the most giving person I know, and my life is so much better because of what you have sacrificed for me.

There has been no greater and more constant teacher in my life than you. From the moment I was born you have held me, nursed me, talked to me, read to me, played with me, and loved me.

I love you so much Mom. You are such a beautiful person inside and out. I can never thank you enough for being you, and for being my Mom.

Love,
Jane

National Poetry Month Entry

2011-04-18T13:45:00.000-07:00

My friend Kat, from Fritzi Marie is having this really fun giveaway for National Poetry Month. I think it's such a great idea, so this morning while I was out with the boys I threw a few books of poetry in my backpack, and wrote this one down that I like from Elizabeth Jennings, and then photographed it.

First Love

A fist of red fire, a flower
Opening in the sun. A kind of peace
Taking over at last, and then the quick release.

Elizabeth Jennings

You should jump on over, and enter too (they have lots of great prizes)!

Here are some more pictures of our little outing. The boys were especially cute-- telling me all about their favorite colors, and superheroes, and favorite foods. Mason kept holding my hand and calling me Wonder Woman.

While we were on the walkway we played "Three Billy Goats Gruff," which consisted of me saying "Trip-trap, trip-trap, whose that walking on my bridge?" And then me eventually chasing after them pretending I was going to eat them, and them running away and screaming. I like pretending to be a troll. :-)

Hope you all have a fun week!

Love from Vegas.

Tell Me An Emett Story

2011-04-06T21:24:00.000-07:00

These pictures don't really have anything to do with this post. The other day I came downstairs, from a little nap with Mason, and this is what Vaughn had created during his quiet time. He told me it was Egypt, with a pyramid, a house where the mummies live, a building where the mummies work, and a church for the mummies, complete with roads, and a blue river. I always love seeing what this kid comes up with.

I just finished putting the kids to bed. After reading a few stories and singing a few songs, I got the usual request: "Mommy, can you tell me an Emett story?"

I grew up in the Emett family. There was the Dad, Vaughn, the Mom, Bev, and their seven kids (seven kids!). I go through all the names of those kids, describe the house they lived in, the yard, and sometimes the vehicles, and then tell them whatever story pops into my head, or whatever I feel compelled to tell. Sometimes they are serious, sometimes I'm trying to teach them something about their extended family, but most of the time they are simple and funny stories.

I got the idea from my brother Paul. He started doing this with his kids long ago, and shared the idea at one of our biannual Emett family symposiums (where we get together to present, discuss, and workshop, whatever anyone is interested in and wants to share). I immediately loved the idea. I had never thought of sharing my own family and childhood stories to my children in this way.

They love it. I mean really, really love it, and I do too.

Tonight, feeling inspired by the kitten jumping on the bed right when I was starting our Emett story, I told a simple story about a time when Bev (my Mom) was making bread in the kitchen. I told about how she would grind her own wheat, and mix it in her mixing bowl, and how she would put it in a big giant metal bowl, cover it with a towel, and let the dough rise on the kitchen table, with the warm sun on it. I told them about how my Mom had just gotten some new little kittens, and how one of them who was so little he could have fit in my hands, saw that dough, and thought it looked so warm and soft and comfortable, that he decided to climb on top of the dough and take a nap.

The boys just laughed and giggled, and thought that was so funny, and their reaction made me laugh too. I'll never forget that sunny afternoon, and laughing at the kitten sleeping on that warm rising dough, and wishing I could find a giant bowl of dough to take a nap on too.

Tonight I'm feeling extra grateful for the family I grew up in. I love them all so much, and have so many memories that make me laugh, and make me happy. I know that I am so lucky and blessed to be born to the parents I was born to, and to have all the siblings I do, and now all the sisters and nieces and nephews I've gained. We are an ever-growing bunch!

I'm also so grateful for Rick's family. We just had my sister-in-law Holly, and niece Erin in town for the weekend, and had so much fun spending time with them. I just love them, and all of his family.

Goodnight and good dreams to you all,

Jane

Sun Valley Vacation

2011-03-31T21:13:00.000-07:00

Rick and I just returned earlier this week, from a week vacation at the Lodge at Sun Valley resort. We dropped the kids off at my parents, and happily drove away on our own for a little getaway.

I think most people after a long winter, are itching for sand and beaches and warmth (which was our original plan, changed at the last minute), but we decided to get one last taste of winter up in the mountains before the Las Vegas desert heats up to triple digits soon.

Maybe it's because we were married in the winter, or spent our honeymoon in Vancouver, BC all cozied up and enjoying the fresh air, and beautiful city, but I just find something so terribly romantic and refreshing being in the snow and mountains with endless pine trees surrounding us, especially with Rick.

We had such a good time. I loved where we stayed-- the giant heated outdoor pool, the ice skating rink right out back, the walking trails, the giant front room with a fireplace, and the spa.

We loved going into the small town of Ketchum, and browsing the book stores (Iconoclast Books was my favorite), the shops (I had lots of fun in The Picket Fence) and eating amazing food (I had one of the most delicious meals I have ever eaten at Ketchum Grill-- the shrimp cakes with red pepper remulade and the German chocolate inside out cake were to die for-- everything was SO delicious)

We had to take a picture of Jane street (though who is this Howard guy? We need to photoshop that to Rick)

And then there was the snow. Soft powdery beautiful snow. It was perfect for skiing in-- though on this trip I tried snowboarding for my first time. Rick said I did good-- I only fell the first two times down, and then was fine after that, but I felt so awkward and clumsy, and kept looking longingly at the skiers wishing I could join them. It was an experience (one that I'm not likely to try again), and now I can say I've been snowboarding (on a bunny hill, surrounded by little kids that are lucky they didn't get plowed over by a thirty-three year old overweight woman- haha).

View outside one of our windows

What I loved most though, was just hanging out with Rick. We had so much uninterrupted time to just visit, laugh, and have fun together.

One of the nights I was lying in bed reading poetry when I read this poem, by Louise Gluck:

The White Lilies

As a man and woman make
a garden between them like
a bed of stars, here
they linger in the summer evening
and the evening turns
cold with their terror: it
could all end, it is capable
of devastation. All, all
can be lost, through scented air
the narrow columns
uselessly rising, and beyond,
a churning sea of poppies--

Hush, beloved. It doesn't matter to me
how many summers I live to return:
this one summer we have entered eternity.
I felt your two hands
bury me to release its splendor.

I just loved it. It made me think about love-- beautiful, delicate, vulnerable love. I'm so grateful I share love with Rick, and that we got to spend the week together in the beautiful Sun Valley mountains.

Beautiful sky on our drive back home.

Marriage and Motherhood

2011-03-08T15:04:00.000-08:00

Years ago, while Rick and I were getting married, the temple sealer gave us a little bit of advice before the ceremony started. He talked about how in marriage it is rarely ever 50/50-- that both partners are putting in an equal amount of work into their duties, and into the relationship at the same time. He said that when we feel the most like our partner is not putting in as much effort as we are, that is when we need to take the hardest look at ourselves, and ask what we are contributing, and then to look at our partner and to look at everything they are contributing. He gave us lots of other advice, but this is the only thing that stuck with me-- the only piece of advice that I remember from my wedding day.

I'm glad that this is the piece of advice that I chose to hold on to, because it has been extremely helpful to me in my marriage. It never fails that when I am upset with Rick over (usually) something petty, or am feeling like he's not carrying as much weight as I am, that I take a good hard look at myself, and then make a mental note of all the things that Rick contributes. My list usually goes something like this:

He goes to work every (working) day, and works hard, does a really good job, rarely misses a day, is never late, and makes a good income for us.
He comes home from work and wrestles and plays with the kids.
He puts the kids to bed every other night, and reads to them, and tells them good stories.
He lets me sleep in every Friday morning and sometimes on Sunday too.
He cooks at least one meal, but sometimes two or three meals a week.
He helps me with laundry, and helps straighten the house.
He cleans out the garage, and helps keep things fixed and running in our home.
He encourages me in my interests and my friendships and relationships.
He visits with me about the things he's interested in, and the things I'm interested in.

And I could go on... The point is, that this never fails to turn the tables on me-- instead of feeling like wacking the top of his bald held and telling him to stop leaving his stupid dirty clothes on the side of the bed (or whatever little things that's eating me up), I instead feel like a big jerk for even being mad at something so stupid. Even when I feel like the thing that I'm upset about, or is weighing me down still warrants a conversation, I'm at least able to approach the topic with him feeling humbled, and realizing how hard he works, and how much he does for our family.

In short, this bit of advice has been a great tool for me in my marriage.

Yesterday I was having a bit of a bad day. I didn't feel very great. I spent way too much time in front of the computer. I fed the kids cold cereal for two out of the three meals we ate. I let the kids watch three episodes of Phineas and Ferb. I had a short fuse, and just wanted to be left alone. I didn't smile or say hi to people that we walked by on a hike. I purposely ignored a friends phone call, because I was grouchy and didn't feel like visiting. The house was a mess for most of the day. I didn't shower or get ready all day.

About an hour before Rick got home I decided to at least do something productive, so I started cleaning up the house. As I was cleaning I started thinking about my day, and was focusing on all the things I didn't do. It made me want to start crying. For some reason though, I thought about the tool I use when I'm feeling critical of Rick, and thought I might try it on myself in this situation. I took a really hard look at my day, and started thinking about everything I did do, or the things I did right. My list looked like this:

I got up out of bed and smiled and visited with the kids
I gave our new kitten love and attention, and took care of his food and kitty litter (and protected him from a certain two-year-old that he's rightfully terrified of)
I took the boys hiking to red rock canyon, and let them climb all over, and played hide-and-seek with them in the caves
I read them a handful of books before nap time
While Mase was sleeping I worked with Vaughn on reading me a book (he's learned to read-- mostly on his own doing), and was patient and encouraging with him
I kissed their heads a bunch, and told them that I loved them
I said I was sorry when I hurt their feelings from getting angry at them
I fed them healthy food on our hike (homemade wheat bread, nuts, oranges, and sugar snap peas)

This exercise was surprisingly helpful to me. When Rick got home, and I was in the middle of cleaning up, and dinner wasn't made, I was able to smile at him, give him a hug and tell him all the things we did do during the day, and was able to feel happiness at those accomplishments. I didn't apologize for the things I didn't do, and decided that the day was past, and that even if it wasn't my best day or most productive day, that it still had value to it.

Instead of feeling guilt, I felt a weight lifted off my shoulders. I decided to let myself take a hot bath, and to give myself a pat on the back for what I did do, and to work for a better tomorrow. Later that night I went to a neighbors house with some girlfriends and watched reality telivision, and had fun visiting and snacking. I almost wasn't going to go, because I felt like I didn't deserve it. I'm so glad I did. It was good for my soul.

I think as women (or just people) we all have days where we look back with dissatisfaction at our day and actions, sometimes rightfully so. Maybe those are the days that we need to take the hardest and sincerest look at what we do accomplish and contribute, and to give ourselves a big thank you-- a big pat on the back.

Maybe those are the days when we need it the most.

Super quick, easy, healthy jam

2011-03-07T17:26:00.000-08:00

The other day I came across this post from Super Healthy Kids, on how to make a (really) quick, (really) easy, and (really) healthy jam.

I decided to try it right away, because I always have frozen berries stored in my freezer and quick, easy, and healthy are always a great combination.

It really is as simple as throwing a handful or two of frozen (or fresh if you want) fruit in a sauce pan, and stirring it up, and breaking it up for a few minutes.

Then it turns into a yummy jam. You could, of course always add sugar if you like, but I found it pretty sweet, especially if you add some mixed or blueberries.

We've enjoyed it in yogurt, oatmeal, and on bread. I think the favorite though, was when I made bread the other day, and used a bit of the dough to make some scones. We topped them with our jam, and sprinkled a little powdered sugar on top.

Yum!

Domino

2011-03-05T08:46:00.000-08:00

Yesterday we adopted our little nine month old kitten, Domino. He's our first pet as a family. Here are a few pictures of our new little guy:

So far, he's adjusting amazingly well, and will even let the boys hold him and pet him. He's really sweet. We love him, and hope he will like his new home.

Steinbeck, Knitting, and Death Valley

2011-02-25T15:13:00.000-08:00

I haven't been much of a blogger lately. I'm blaming it on Steinbeck. If he didn't write such a masterpiece like this one below, that I checked out from the library last week, then I would have more time to get off the sofa and write a thing or two.

There are times when I pick up a book and from almost the first sentence something magic happens. It's like I just inhale the book-- like I'm living it, breathing it. East of Eden is one of those books. Why haven't I ever read it before? Why didn't anybody tell me how good this book is? And how much I would love it from the first page.

Maybe they did. Maybe I wasn't listening hard enough.

I'm also blaming it on my friend Sara, who taught me how to knit last month (thank you SO much Sara!). She said it wasn't hard, but I didn't believe her. I looked at all the beautiful things that she works on, and I felt a bit intimidated by it. I've loved it though.

Really really loved it.

This below is my first real project:

It's supposed to be a scarf, but it's going to take me forever to finish it (I'm terribly slow), so in my impatience, I'm considering turning it into a thick headband. What do you think? Would that look weird? Tell me the truth now. I don't want to walk around looking like a dork.

Actually I don't really care what I walk around looking like. You should see what I went out in public wearing today (I'm shaking my head right now in disbelief). But I do want your opinion. Should I continue the scarf, so that my hands get more practice, or go on to bigger, better things?

I've still got lots and lots to learn in the needlework department. I still don't know how to cast off, or join things together (and mounds of other things). I'm just anxious to make cute little things for my nieces and nephews and my boys (although they don't really deserve anything knitted from me since they keep thwarting my progress by stealing my needles and pretending they are swords...little stinkers).

Anyway...speaking of my nieces and nephews...we had a few of them come and visit last weekend. Two of my brothers and spouse and kids came, and we had so much fun. We went climbing at Red Rock canyon one day, and then went out to Death Valley National Park, to play in the sand dunes the next day.

I took ZERO pictures, but luckily my sister-in-law sent me a few. I miss having all my family here (come back you guys!).

Me and Joshy baby. He made me SO so so so baby hungry.

Dan and Sam. Cutest cutest little boys.

My brother Paul and Isaac. I think Paul is such a great Dad. His wife and oldest daughter went on a little adventure together last weekend, so he wanted to take his two boys on an adventure while they were away (that's when I was like..."come to Vegas for an adventure!"). I'm so glad they did.

Rick joining in on the "lets see who can jump the farthest" competition. I'm going to say he won, because I can. haha. p.s. on a totally unrelated note-- today Rick helped my friend split some firewood, and he looked HOT doing it. I have now decided that come hell or high water, we are getting a cabin in the woods so that I can watch him split firewood every day.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Paul jumping, while Vaughn watches in admiration and awe. Wahoo!

Death Valley is the place for boys (and playful girls too).

Isaac making sand angels. Love love love this boy.

Well that's it for now. I hope you all have a fun weekend doing things that you love to do.

xoxo

Happy Valentines Day

2011-02-14T09:15:00.000-08:00

The boys have been busy cutting and coloring their valentines.

These Crayola 24ct Oil Pastels Portfolio Series are my favorite art supplies that we have at home. I love the vibrant colors, and how easily they glide on the paper. You can color with them like crayons, and then use water with them too, as an added dimension. You can even color on the windows with them, and they easily wipe off (we found that one out on accident). :)

Rick and I aren't really doing anything special to celebrate Valentines Day. We might just be the worlds most boring couple. I was a little bummed about not doing anything special, until I woke up this morning and went downstairs, and saw that not only had Rick put the kids to bed last night (when it wasn't his turn), he had also cleaned up our house, and left me a nice homemade card, some chocolate, and a yummy drink. That's all I needed. A little reminder that he still loves me-- and the chocolate didn't hurt either. :-)

Hope you all have a nice day, wherever you are, and however you celebrate.

Love,
Jane

Mouse Soup and old favorites

2011-02-13T17:02:00.000-08:00

While I was staying at my parents house, I went through all the old books that have survived mine and my six brothers childhood and ~~borrowed~~ stole a few to bring home with me.

The boys and I have had lots of fun reading these together. I love all the crinkled pages, and art work that my brothers and I made on some of the pages.

The kids favorite has been Gus Was a Friendly Ghost,, and Little Racoon and the Thing in the Pool. Both are cute stories that I loved as a kid.

My favorite (hands down) has been Sylvester and the Magic Pebble. Goodness that book gets to me every time-- especially when I read it with a child on my lap and read the last line "Some day they might want to use it, but really, for now, what more could they wish for? They all had all that they wanted" (sniffle, sniffle). I loved that book as a child, and nothing has changed.

What about you? What are some of your favorite books from childhood?

What We've Been Up To

2011-02-09T15:30:00.000-08:00

I've been away from this blog for a while. We had my parents in town last week, and then had an unexpected trip to Utah and Idaho, for the funeral of Rick's Aunt. It's been busy, but so nice to spend some time with family.

My parents are such great people. They came to visit just because I called and said that we missed them. One of the days they were here we were taking a walk, Mason in a stroller and Vaughn in his bike, and both my parents took off steering the boys around pretending they were in the Batmobile and the Batcycle (sound effects included), and chasing each other all around. The boys were all wide-eyed and laughing away, and I just watched from behind with a smile on my face, knowing what a lucky girl I am to have these two people for parents, and the grandparents of my children.

The boys are taking a nap right now. We rearranged our upstairs, packed the crib away, and now the boys have beds right next to one another. Often, when I peek in on them they are all curled up together and it makes me so happy that they have each other.

We just started reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory together, and are really loving it. I think Roald Dahl writes some of the best books for little boys (and probably girls too!) that I have ever read. I think when I look back on my life, some of my fondest memories will be of the times I sit in their room, some candles lit, the window cracked just a bit to let the fresh air in, the occasional tinkling of the wind chime in their window, and the stories-- the many many stories we read together.

Part of the reason we rearranged the upstairs, is to transform the guest bedroom into an art/craft room. I'm so excited about our new space, and will have to share some pictures soon, and projects that we are working on as well. Rick got a new drafting desk, which gives him a lot more space to spread out and work, and I now have a new table with all my sewing set up. I no longer have to lug the sewing machine and all my fabric out of the garage, and mess up our dining room table with my projects. It's so nice to have a space for both Rick and I.

Well little Mase man woke up (a little earlier than he should have) and he keeps trying to stick his finger up my nose. Sorry for such a jumbled post-- I just wanted to say hello. Hopefully I'll be able to post more soon (sans toddler finger up my nose).

Love,
Jane

Mason's Drawing

2011-01-23T21:56:00.000-08:00

Last night as I was typing up my post, Mason sat on my lap drawing in his notebook. Page after page of his drawings.

I find it so interesting that kids at such a young age, seem drawn to certain activities that they can just get lost in. For me it has always been music-- I can get so lost in thought, and work through so many emotions through music, without even thinking about it.

For Vaughn, it has always been building-- he can spend hours building elaborate structures with blocks, Legos, rocks, pillows and blankets, and just about anything he can get his hands on.

And for Mason, it is a pencil and a piece of paper. I am constantly finding him drawing and painting with anything he can find. He also loves to sit and watch other people draw. He is always bringing paper and pens to Rick (because he's learned by now that Mommy kind of sucks at drawing) and asking him "Tan you draw?" They sit together (two peas in a pod) and draw together. Mason is mesmerized by it.

I thought I would post two of Mason's drawings from last night that made me smile. They only took him a moment to draw, but I thought they were impressive for a barely two-year-old.

This one he told me, is the Batmobile:

And this one is Batman and Robin:

Rock Climbing with Vaughn

2011-01-22T19:21:00.000-08:00

Today we took Vaughn rock climbing for the first time. He's been climbing rocks since he was a baby, but never with ropes and a harness.

It was a beautiful Vegas afternoon, and Vaughn did a great job finding his way up to the top. The rappel down was a little scary for him and took some coaching, but I don't blame him-- I'm thirty-three and don't like rappelling. It's an enormous leap of faith to defy all the laws of gravity you've learned so far, and lean backwards over a large drop-off.

Mason and I climbed around a bit at the bottom and did a really good job eating apples and oranges.

There's something I find so fulfilling in watching my kids climb around on rocks and dirt. They can in a moment stand on top of something they've worked their way up and feel their own enormous power and worth, and in that same moment be surrounded by something so much bigger-- a reminder that they are surrounded by powers larger than them.

Mother nature does a much better job teaching my children and making them stronger than I ever could, which is why I take them to her daily.

I loved our afternoon of climbing, hiking, and then Mexican food for lunch.

I love this desert that we live in.

I love my family.

And I love my baby boy who is growing up way too fast.

2011-01-18T22:09:00.000-08:00

I've got nothing much to say today.

The weather's been beautiful.

Vaughn started a "real" preschool today, and I'm thrilled with his teachers, and schedule they have.

My good friend just had her baby, and holding him in the hospital gave me a little fever of baby hungriness-- my goodness, he's adorable.

And I just had a lovely night out with my dear friend Lisa. I just love that girl, and a girls night out was just what I needed.

This picture cracks me up. Rick put it as our desktop background a few days ago.

That's all I've got for now.

Loves.

Dear Natalie,

2011-01-12T14:34:00.000-08:00

Janet, Me, Natalie (the waterworks were just beginning)

At the end of last year you and your family packed up your belongings and moved away from Las Vegas. It was such a busy time of year, and I didn't feel like I got to say goodbye to you properly. When I drove away from our get together at Cafe Rio, I just sobbed (especially when I drove by the entrance to your housing community). I thought of all the spontaneous walks we've taken with all our kids running around us, and all the times we've gotten together. I'm going to miss visiting with you, and hanging out with you so much. I'm going to miss your kids too-- Josh's cute little dimpled face smile, Avery's fluffy blond hair, Cambria's calm and happy smiles.

I want to tell you thank you so much for your friendship through these years. I knew from almost the moment I met you that I wanted to be friends with you. Josh was in my nursery class, and you were pregnant with Avery (and still one of the cutest pregnant women I have ever seen), and I admired what a nurturing and caring Mom you were to him. I'm so grateful that I got to know you, and become friends with you.

You have so many traits that I admire and love. You are spontaneous, adventurous, intelligent, kind, a peacemaker, fun, talented, a good listener, nurturing, and many many other things. I'm thankful for the person that you are, and the example that you are to me.

In many ways I feel like I'm a better person from having you for a friend.

I know I will still get to keep in touch with you, and still get to see you, but I'm just so sad that my good friend isn't down the street from me anymore.

I wish you all the best in your new state, and new home. I know you have great things in store for you.

Thank you for being you, thank you for every kind thing you've done for me, thank you for your friendship. I'll always be grateful for it.

Love,

Jane

Four things I love for Friday

2011-01-07T13:47:00.000-08:00

-1-

This picture that Vaughn drew earlier:

I can't pinpoint exactly what it is that I find so adorable about it-- it's not his most elaborate drawing ever, but it sure made me smile. I even framed it and put it on my desk. Vaughn calls it "Boy looking out the window."

-2-

The Mediterranian restaurant Rick and I went to last night:

Khoury's

Oh. my. gosh. I love this place. It's a favorite of both of ours. They make the pita bread fresh in a big stone oven, and all the food is delicious and priced well, and it's right down the street from us. Yum. I must learn how to make the lentil soup there. I would be completely content with just the soup and pita bread and a side of hummus.

-3-

This post from Steve McCurry from this morning.

I want to go to Cuba. Really bad.

And I want Steve to teach me a thing or two about photography.

He's amazing.

-4-

This book, that I gave to Rick for Christmas:

Atlas of Remote Islands

It is an amazingly beautiful book full of maps, and fascinating histories of some of the least known of places in the planet. Rick just finished reading it, and now it's my turn.

I wish I could take credit for finding the perfect book for Rick (because believe me-- this is the perfect book for Rick), but he requested it for Christmas.

Six Years With My Rick

2011-01-06T15:13:00.000-08:00

Today I am celebrating six years of marriage with Rick.

I was thinking back about my first few dates with him. Rick was different than anyone I had ever dated before. He was older, more quiet, and didn't care what others thought of him. I knew that I enjoyed visiting with him and spending time with him, but wondered if there was any future with him.

On our third date, he invited me to go ice skating. He took me to the Olympic oval in Salt Lake City, and we got our skates on and hit the ice.

I was surprised to find that Rick couldn't ice skate-- at all. I held his wobbly hand as he clutched to the side of the rink trying not to fall down, and tried my hardest not to laugh too hard at him. It was the funniest thing I had ever seen. I kept wondering "why in the world did he invite me to go ice skating when he can't ice skate?" Around and around we went, stopping now and then for Rick to stand straight for a minute and to visit more. At one point he just waved me on and said "Just skate. Just skate."

An hour or so into it, we went and sat on some benches and got a little snack. We held hands and I asked him why he wanted to go ice skating with me and he said "I just thought it would be neat to take you to the Olympic Oval and let you see a new place, and to let you skate." (He knew I liked ice skating).

That was the moment I really started liking Rick. He had sacrificed his time, money, pride (and his poor rear end a few times too) so that he could give me a new experience doing something I enjoy doing. I still to date, can think of no other boy I've dated who would have so willingly sacrificed those things so early in the relationship, just for me.

After skating, we drove up little cottonwood canyon, parked by Alta ski resort, listening to a Tom Petty CD that Rick had burned for me, and had our first kiss. I had only the smallest inclination then that this was a beginning of the future that I would have.

Life with my Rick is so good. I often wonder if happiness in marriage is just chance. I sometimes picture the scene from Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade when they are trying to pick the right cup to receive everlasting life. The wrong choice can lead to misery, screaming in horror, and sudden death. The correct choice leads to the wise old knight saying slowly "You..Have...Chosen...Wisely..."

Maybe I'm being a little dramatic, but I feel a relief that I choose the man I did to share my life with. Everything that I liked about him at the beginning of our relationship, is everything that I still love about him today.

He is steady, stable, kind, intelligent, creative, artistic, likes books and building things, makes me laugh, is tender, forgiving, loves his family, loves God, is strong, loves the outdoors, cooking good food, going new places, and loves me, unconditionally.

I'm so happy he took me ice skating and made a fool of himself that cold day in December.

He is my future. My everything. My Rick.

Wednesday Morning

2011-01-05T14:04:00.000-08:00

Forts in the living room:

Scripture Chain:

Sprouts, ready for the refrigerator:

Breakfast of oatmeal w/walnuts, cinnamon, almond milk and raw honey drizzled on top.

Smoothies too, with frozen cherries, spinach, a dab of plain yogurt and bananas (but we drank them before I could get a picture)

Sick kids with booger and smoothie faces:

Ewwww gross.

Sorry.

I wiped it, I promise.

p.s. Mason is especially a mama's boy when he doesn't feel good. He follows me around the house and says "Tan I hold you mama." He's got me wrapped around his finger, boogers and all.

p.p.s. I'm retracting the "do something everyday that you don't want to do" goal. It was a stupid goal. I already do things every day that I don't want to do. Wiping boogers is one of them.

Pretty Perfect Day

2011-01-03T21:17:00.000-08:00

We woke this morning to a dream of snow.

In Vegas, this almost never happens, so the kids were so wide eyed and excited. They played outside in it for as long as their little footed pajamas would allow them and then we came inside and called Grandma and Daddy at work to tell them the news.

We ate a warm breakfast of eight grain cereal with honey and milk and talked about what we should do for the day.

If there's one thing I've learned living here for almost seven years, is that when the sky has cleared from a storm, you should drop whatever plans you have and head for the cliffs. So that's what we did.

Red Rocks, though always beautiful, is especially stunning after a storm. Today was no different.

(This is us on our way back up. Mason was crying because his hands were "told.")

I think almost every photographer in the valley came up to shoot pictures. I felt a little out of place with my point and shoot smudged lens camera, and two little boisterous boys, but everyone looked so happy and we had fun visiting with a few people. One of them even insisted on taking our picture.

After we climbed, threw snowballs, built mini snowmen, and were all tuckered out, we headed home. I had started some hearty lentil stew in the crock pot before we left and we had nice warm bowls of it, with a bit of feta cheese crumbled on top for lunch.

After, I let the boys climb into mine and Rick's bed for stories and nap time (a rare treat). We were all so cozy and warm bundled up together, and had a nice nap.

Late afternoon, we watched a friend's adorable little boy, and she brought a delicious pot of chicken noodle soup as a trade-off. I know I got the better end of the deal on that one. So we ate dinner together as a family, then played games together after, and now I'm going to read for a bit, and spend time with Rick.

I know not every day can be so beautiful, but I sure am grateful when they come our way.

Goals for a New Year

2011-01-01T15:11:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!

I've been thinking about 2010 today, and reflecting on ways that I've grown and learned. My theme for last year was "Listen." I feel like it gave me great direction through the year, and that I was more open to listen to information that came my way, much of it that I felt I needed to hear, and learn from. When I think about 2010, I feel like I grew and improved the most as a mother. I feel more relaxed and at peace with the way things are in our home right now, and I feel like I've been guided in a direction that I needed to go. I'm grateful for the inspiration that I've been given.

Here are my goals and theme for the coming year:

Keep a constant crop of leafy greens and radishes in the garden. They grow year-round in Vegas, and I want to keep a constant crop of them by sprinkling new seeds every few weeks.
Park as far away as I can in parking lots. A simple way to get a little extra exercise.
Do at least one fitness class a week at the gym.
Do my own oil changes. My mom laughed heartily when I told her this was one of my goals while talking to her this afternoon. I don't know why it's so funny. :-) I know how to do it already, but I've never done it on our Subaru. This will be a simple way to save some money.
Focus on household and beauty products-- using natural recipes. This will take some reading and trial and error, but I look forward to it. I have already used homemade cleaning solutions for years now, and I love them! I think it's time to look at other areas in our home that I can switch to homemade.
Learn to love to do laundry (if you're laughing, I'll understand). I feel like I have really come leaps and bounds when it comes to keeping our home clean and organized. I feel like I have a balance of cleaning, and focusing on what's really important (my family). I can actually say now that I enjoy keeping my house clean (my teenage self inside me is screaming in horror at what I've become). But I do NOT love doing laundry. I don't even like it. But I intend to really try some new things, and figure out how to enjoy doing laundry (and if I fail miserably, at least I tried!).
Do something everyday that I don't want to do. This is a harder goal to define because we ALL do things everyday that we don't want to do. I had a professor once who said that you should do something each day that you don't want to do, because then you will get in the habit of breaking bad habits. That's always stuck with me, but I think I want to make it a goal for the year. I think I will know each day what it is I should do-- probably the thing I most don't want to do. It may be as simple as making a phone call, or a project like organizing and cleaning a closet. I think it will be interesting to see where this goal leads me.

My theme for the year (which may seem to contradict my resolutions) is "I am enough." I recently watched this video, and I've been thinking about it a lot since I saw it. I loved it.

The words that resonated with me the most were "I am enough." I think one of the hardest things for me is to share my vulnerabilities. There are days when I feel inadequate, days that I feel sadness, days that I feel like a bad Mom or wife or friend. I think we all struggle with these feelings from time to time, but the more I've thought about it, the more I've realized that this is when I withdraw myself the most from other people-- people that I love, and that I do it because I feel like these emotions make me less worthy of love. It makes me sad even to type that, because I can see how untrue it is. We all have our weaknesses, and our vulnerabilities, and we love each other in spite of them-- maybe even because of them.

I want to make this my focus for the year. To let all of myself be vulnerable and seen. To love myself and to really know that I am enough (I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and doggon it! People like me!) Sorry, couldn't resist a little SNL humor. :-)

Here's to a new year!

Loves,
Jane

If I Never Blog Again

2010-12-29T08:02:00.000-08:00

It's because Rick surprised me one of these thingamajiggers for my birthday/Christmas/our anniversary:

Kindle 3G Wireless Reading Device, Free 3G + Wi-Fi, 3G Works Globally, Graphite, 6" Display with New E Ink Pearl Technology

Thought I'm not one who cares much for handheld electronic devices (I don't even know my own cell phone number, and haven't seen it in months, and guess what? I don't care at all that it's missing), I've gotta say that I'm in love with this thing. In loooooooove.

But I didn't just get on here to show you my new toy. I did want to tell you (if you didn't already know), that you can download the kindle software at no charge to almost any handheld device or computer, and then download the millions of books available (many of them for free).

Just click here, and then pick a free book you like, then follow the links to download the software to your own thingamaggier.

That is all. Hope you all had a great Christmas. Now I'm off to read. I'm knee-deep in the Moonstone, and it's getting really good.

Love,
Jane

Phew...

2010-12-20T12:42:00.000-08:00

I'm ready.

The car is packed up, the house is as clean as it's going to get, the presents are stowed away under a blanket in the back of the blues mobile, and the kids are downstairs eating their lunch, waiting for Daddy to get home from work so we can hit the road.

Yesterday I was not ready. About mid-day I had a little pre-Christmas freak-out. Does this happen to anyone else? The house was in shambles, I had half-finished projects all over the place, and a million little things to do before leaving today.

I knew I was in trouble when Vaughn said "Mommy, I'm hungry" and I reached into the fridge, pulled out a bell pepper, tore it in half, removed the seeds and said hurriedly "here, eat this!" He looked at me with a mixture of shock and confusion and said "But Mommy, I don't want to eat a pepper." "I don't care," I replied, "you can eat that or be hungry!"

Then Rick made a perfectly innocent comment-- something about how I needed to stop worrying about such-and-such and start getting packed, and I had what I can only describe as a Colonel Jessup moment:

"You want me to provide Christmas! You need me to provide Christmas! And then you question the manner in which I provide it!"

Lets just say that everyone was treading lightly around Mommy after that moment.

But I was able to pull through, and am now taking deep breaths to try and calm myself and, you know, get into the Christmas spirit and all that.

I hope you're all having a great week. And if you need to have a little pre-Christmas freak-out, I'm here for you. I understand. Deep breaths, deep breaths.

Love to you!
Jane

Memory Lane

2010-12-15T15:42:00.000-08:00

This morning I pulled my childhood box out of the garage to sort through it. It's full of pictures, cards, letters, and memorabilia from my childhood.
I sat and read, and laughed and cried going through all my pictures and letters, while my boys ran around the house half naked. They colored all over themselves in marker and made a complete disaster of our house, but I didn't care.
Maybe I'm just anticipating the holiday, and am missing my family so much. Maybe I just (really really) don't want to do the huge pile of laundry upstairs. Maybe I just need a little break.
Rick gets after me sometimes for holding on to things like cards and letters. He doesn't understand why I hold on to things like that, but on mornings like this morning, when I remember people I haven't thought about in years, when I read through piles of notes and letters from my family and friends, I think he's the one whose crazy. It makes me feel so loved and lucky to have the family and friends I have (especially Rick who I have a huge stack of letters from. They are the ones that made me cry this morning).
I hope you don't mind me sharing a few of the things that I scanned in (and I hope you don't mind family that I'm sharing them here). I got a kick out of all of these:

Clark, Paul, me and Blake (fat baby!). The four oldest. My mohawk is rad.

Here we all are again. I'm pretty sure my Grandma made me this dress. I love it!

Another cute dress.

I have my first little ballet shoes saved, but what I really love about this picture is looking at our front porch back in the day. We had railings. And a screen door! :-)

I love these old engagement pictures of Clark and Amanda and Paul and Beth (below).

So so pretty.

All my brothers seriously lucked out with hot chicks!

Blake and Sally's wedding. Beautiful bride.

I had to scan this postcard in from my Mom. I still remember when I got it (I was in college). I laughed and laughed at how she just casually mentions at the end of the postcard that their car got stolen (but found!).

My Mom is so awesome.

And here is my awesome Mom when she is pregnant and on bed rest with the twins. She loved to sit outside that summer and look at the pretty flowers. I love how John is cuddled up with her, and seeing his dragon big-wheel next to them. He loved that thing. I still remember him riding it around, with a big smile on his face and his blond hair flopping around.

Awwww. The twins. They were the cutest, funniest little babies ever. They used to talk, and laugh and even argue with each other in baby language, even at this young age.

So cute.

On Writing

2010-12-13T15:21:00.000-08:00

One of my goals for the 2010 year was to send cards to friends and family members for their birthdays. I failed miserably at it. I've been thinking the past few weeks about why I failed so miserably at this goal, and have come to the conclusion that it's because I have no set time in my day for sitting down and writing.

I started thinking about how little I actually sit down with a pen and a paper and write. In my youth I spent so much time writing little notes and letters to my family and friends, and in college, I spent a lot of time physically writing too. Often, when I had a large paper due, I would have to sit and write it by hand, and even revise it by hand a few times before I could type it up.

For some reason, my thoughts flow so much easier when I sit with a pen and a paper. It is an act, I believe, that is deeply introspective-- like taking in a deep and calming breath.

Last week while thinking about writing, I read this great post from my friend Heidi, about the lost art of the handwritten note. It motivated me to really sit down and make writing an everyday part of my life. I also decided that it would be a good thing to incorporate the boys into.

So I went downstairs and made them each a little writing kit. At first I had a bunch of supplies in their little kits-- scissors, pencils and pens, paper, glue etc. After giving it a second thought though, I removed all of that-- they have easy access to those supplies anyway, and we spend a lot of time "crafting" and drawing, so I wanted this to be all about writing. They ended up with a spiral notebook, a pencil, some envelopes and stamps, and some alphabet stickers.

Then I showed them their kits, and talked about how we're going to set aside a little time each morning to sit and write.

We've been doing this for a week now, and I have really loved it. It gives me time every day, to either write in my journal, or to send off a card to a friend or family member.

Since neither of the boys can really "write" yet, they spend time drawing and writing the letters they know. Vaughn likes asking me how to spell certain words, and then writing them himself, and then finding the alphabet stickers for those words too. Last week he wrote a letter to his Grandma, and to Santa. The letter to Santa was a picture of a "police snowman" with the letters "GOOD" written to the side of the snowman so that Santa would know "he's been good." They both love running to the mailbox after our little writing sessions and sending their letters off.

They have the attention span to last about 15 minutes, which is the perfect little pause in our day to reflect inward and to think about other people.

I love this little exercise, and hope that we will continue at it.

Books for Christmas

2010-12-12T20:59:00.000-08:00

I just placed my order for my kid's Christmas books! It's one of my favorite traditions for Christmas.

Last year I got the boys Bear Snores On

and
The Peter Yarrow Songbook: Sleepytime Songs:

We have loved these books so much through this year. Bear snores on was an instant favorite. I love the winter illustrations and all the sweet characters in this book.

I can hardly talk about Sleepytime Songs without getting all choked up. I have loved these beautiful songs, and sung them so many times to my boys that I know it's become a part of us-- something I'll always cherish.

This year I ordered three books-- one for each of them on Christmas Day, and one for Christmas Eve.

I ordered Click, Clack, Moo: Cows That Type

I thought it would be a lot of fun to pair this with an actual typewriter for the boys to play with, so I bid on ebay and won on a vintage children's typewriter, in the prettiest blue color. I love it. I think it will be fun, and the kids will love it-- especially Vaughn who is so interested in letters and writing right now.

I also got Owl Moon, by Jane Yolen

I love love love this book. Such gorgeous illustrations, and reads like a poem. The boys have loved it too, when we've gotten it from the library, but it's been a while since we've read it, so I think we'll all be happy to open this up, settle into the story, and call it ours.

Lastly, I got The Peter Yarrow Songbook: Favorite Folk Songs, by Peter Yarrow

I think it will be fun to get my guitar re-strung, and to get learning and singing some new songs together.

I think books make the perfect gift for any occasion, but I especially love it at Christmastime. It's one of the only times I'll pay full price for a book. In a way I feel like I'm also saying a little thank you to the people who wrote, illustrated, and published these amazing books that add so much to our lives. What better way to keep an art alive, then to support it?

Skatin' to Relate

2010-12-12T12:50:00.000-08:00

When we were in Arizona for Thanksgiving Vaughn's much older cousin gave him his old skateboard. You should have seen his face when he got Cole's skateboard. He was so excited, and talked about it almost the whole six hour drive home.

Last Saturday we headed to the park as a family and let Vaughn try out his new board. Here's some pictures from our outing:

Orange you Glad?

2010-12-09T06:39:00.000-08:00

Yesterday for our advent activity, we made orange pomanders. Vaughn ended up making an orange man, with bamboo skewers for arms and legs, and cloves for his hair and face:

"Arrrghhhh! I'm the orange man!"

Mason loved poking little holes all over his orange. This kept him busy for a while.

The boys helped me stick cloves in mine, and hang it up:

I'm not going to lie, friends. My house smells so good right now, that I may just not leave it for the rest of the month.

Orange pomanders are where it's at.

Recent Inspiration:

2010-12-08T15:17:00.000-08:00

Here are some activities we've tried recently that I've borrowed from other (fabulous) blogs:

I loved these ornaments when I saw them on lilla a last month, and knew I wanted to try them. Here is a picture of our finished product (but please check out lilla a's, as hers is much more lovely):

Vaughn wanted a "spooky" one:

We had lots of fun sorting out the buttons, and painting and gluing. Mason was a champ at handing me buttons to glue on, and saying things like "oh dats a coot one!"

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I loved this Whoville craft and activity from Little Wonders' Days. The book has been a favorite in this house for a few weeks, and I knew this would be a big hit. Here's our finished Whoville:

Oh the glitter. The glitter, glitter, glitter, glitter! :-)

Vaughn was really into this craft. He helped me select the items from the recycling bin, and pretty much made and planned the whole thing. I helped cut out the egg carton for the houses, and paint the trees, and that's about it.

We also borrowed the idea to have "roast beast" for dinner, and watch the cartoon "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" while eating Christmas popcorn for a family activity. Lots of fun!

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This simple and educational game has been a huge hit around these parts. I saw it originally at The Activity Mom.

It took me only a minute to print out, and add some clear contact paper to.

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This adorable little play scene in a box from Childhood 101 inspired me to make one with my boys. I found a good little box that would be perfect, and we got busy building. Vaughn really wanted a jungle, which was perfect because I had a little bag of jungle scene toys in my craft closet. Here is our little play box:

That's Tarzan up there with the tie on (haha), and his rope to swing on.

This was loads of fun to make and to play with. I think we will be making more of them in the future. Now I just need to order some more shoes so I'll have boxes to put all these scenes in, right? :-)

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Citrus and Spice

2010-12-05T12:57:00.000-08:00

Two colorful bowls, tied with cute ribbon, filled with:

pine cones gathered at the duck pond
whole cloves
cinnamon sticks
oranges, sliced and baked on our oven's lowest setting for four hours this morning...

Make our home smell Christmasy and wonderful.

Wrapped in cellophane, tied in ribbon with a Christmas message, would make these items a very inexpensive and lovely gift to friends, don't you think?

Counting Down

2010-12-01T14:54:00.000-08:00

Christmas is coming! This morning we made our advent calendar. I was really inspired by this advent calendar from The Artful Parent. We didn't do it exactly the same way, but I loved the way it turned out. I traced out the shape of the tree and star, and the boys painted away, while we listened to Ella Fitzgerald carol Christmas music. While the paint was still wet, we sprinkled some of these little sparkly things to add some, well...sparkle!

Vaughn punched out some circles for our ornaments, and I numbered them, and wrote our activity for the day on the back. I got most of my inspiration for the crafts that we will be doing from the book What Shall We Do Today? by Catherine Woram:

It is a fabulous book, divided by season, full of simple and gorgeous crafts. I highly recommend it. Here are our 25 Christmas activities (many from this book):

Make twig decorations
Make angel for top of tree
Get Christmas tree
Make orange tree decorations
Make felt stars (pictured above)
Make holiday spice cookies
Make orange pomanders
Make potpourri
Make paper snowflakes
Make snow globes (I'm really excited about this one)
Make brownies and deliver gifts
Make printed wrapping paper
Make nativity scene
Finish nativity scene
Make holiday cards and mail out to family and friends
Make pine cone animals
Make gingerbread (men and house)
Assemble and decorate gingerbread house
Watch Christmas movie and eat popcorn
Sing Christmas songs and drink hot chocolate
Tell the story of Jesus
Drive to visit family!
Go sledding and build snowman
Christmas party with family
Christmas!

I'm sure I'll be sharing some of our activities through the month, and can't wait to read about and see what you are all doing.

It's going to be a messy and marvelous month, and I'm already loving it.

2010-11-30T08:10:00.000-08:00

A few months back I made a little drawing/play area for the boys. Upstairs, we have a large hallway across from our laundry closet, and it was previously empty.

Both of them have been drawing and writing so much more now that we have this little spot for them. I've been the most surprised by how much Mason loves it. I find him constantly through the day with paper, and pencils drawing. The first thing he wants to do when he wakes up is draw. He usually asks first thing "Tan I have a piece of papew?"

Sometimes though, he doesn't always get paper fast enough:

(Daddy embellished it a bit)

:-)

300 Posts and a Blog List

2010-11-28T20:37:00.000-08:00

This is my 300th post. It's not necessarily an important milestone to me, but when I logged onto my account, I noticed that I've put 299 posts worth of time into this blog, and I started thinking about my blog and what it means to me. Some days, I love that I can share my thoughts and ideas and little moments with the world, and some days I feel like I'm wasting my time and want to shut the whole thing down. It's my personality. If I had to describe myself in one word I would probably choose inconsistent (but if I had three words I would choose inconsistent, awesome, and sweet (haha)).
A month ago Caz, at A Little Learning For Two, a fantastic blogger who I love following and getting ideas from gave me a "versatile blogging award." (Thank you Caz!) I was supposed to share seven things about myself and then pass the award on to other bloggers, but I'm a bit of a procrastinator.
One thing I love doing when I find a new blog that I like, is to visit some of the blogs that they enjoy reading. To me, it's sort of the equivalent of visiting a friend's home and browsing through their books-- what a person enjoys reading enough to keep on their shelves can say a lot about them.
So I thought I'd share a list of my favorite blogs (blogs that aren't personal friends and family because those are the real favorites), and hope that you can give them a visit if you have some extra time. These are the blogs, that every time they post I get all happy, because I just know it will be something great. Here they are (in the order they appear on my feed reader):

Childhood 101 I love the ideas and vision that Christie shares of childhood and play. I find myself so often coming away from her blog and posts feeling inspired, and wanting to be a better Mom. I love her we play link up, where other mothers can share their moments of play with each other. It is a fabulous blog.
i made it so. ana is such a great and funny writer. I laugh almost every time (actually probably every time) I read her blog. She is talented, open, easygoing and very giving-- responding to comments, and taking the time to comment. She started a linkup recently called the "Friday Archive Dive" where you can dive into your archives and share older posts that you've written that go along with a theme she's assigned. It's lots of fun. Go visit-- seriously!
lilla a I love the simplicity and beauty of this blog. It is full of little projects that this mother is doing with her children. Even thought they are all just beautiful, they are also very simple (simple enough that even I, the maybe only non-crafty person on the blogosphere, feel like I can make them). I'm not kidding when I say that every single post is starred in my reader, because I want to make almost everything she does. I also covet her children's room and the bits and pieces that I see of her home.
My Montissori Journey I don't know much about Montissori school, but this is a blog written by a teacher of this school. She shares ideas that she is doing in her class. This is another blog that almost everything is starred, because they are all such great ideas. I love the passion that she has for both teaching and the children she teaches that so clearly shines through her blog posts. I have found such great ideas to do at home with my boys here.
No Time for Flash Cards This has been such a great resource for me and my boys. There isn't an activity or craft that I've tried from here that we haven't enjoyed doing. I love her extensive experience with childhood development and teaching, and of children's literature. Her ideas are usually simple, fun, inexpensive and educational. It has greatly enhanced our learning at home.
Sheye Rosemeyer photography An absolutely beautiful blog. Beautiful writing, and beautiful images. Sheye shares so openly her grief over losing her little girl tragically, but also shares her joy in mothering her other children, and photography, and all the other things that bring her happiness. It just makes me so grateful to be a mother when I read her words-- more appreciative of the things that matter the most in this life.
Silly Eagle Books I love the activities and the books that Vanessa shares through her blog. I love the activities that she's shared that correspond to a book-- I find myself brainstorming up ideas now of activities and fun little surprises that I can make that correspond to our favorite books. She is lighthearted and fun, and has fantastic taste in books, and decorating (her children's rooms are so beautiful).
Steve Mccurry's Blog I cannot look at the amazing photography on this blog without feeling awed, and almost reverenced. It makes me feel so small and humble but connected at the same time. I'm sure most people are familiar with Steve McCurry's work (especially his famous National Geographic cover), but his blog is one to read. I love the words he pairs with his images, and of course the images themselves. This one is a favorite of mine. I don't think I could breathe through the entire post.
That Artist Woman This blog is brimming with fantastic art project after another. I wish I had the time to make each of them-- they all look so fun and beautiful.
Oesch and Doots A mother sharing moments with her children. Beautiful and inspiring, simple and subtle. I love the thoughtful writing and the beautiful images. I love this blog.
smitten kitchen This is my favorite cooking blog. The images, writing, and food is just amazing. I love the fresh seasonal ingredients she uses. I wish I had her in my kitchen cooking for me. Seriously, that would be cool.
Fritzi Marie I actually do think of Fritzi Marie as a personal friend, but I've only met her once on her wedding day (our husbands go way back to "old school issy"). She is funny, cute, thoughtful, beautiful and so giving. I love her blog, and hearing about her adventures with her husband Dan, and her adorable little dog bono baby.

So there you have it. Hope you all had a great weekend!

2010-11-23T22:25:00.000-08:00

This morning at breakfast, Mason, my barely two-year-old, brought his fork slowly towards his mouth, looked at his food, and said with furrowed brow "Are you ready to go bye-bye?" Then he raised his eyebrows and said in a high-pitched voice while shaking his head "No! I not go bye-bye!" Then he switched back over to the scowling villain and said slowly "Bye-bye." And with that, he put it in his mouth, and laughed while he chewed the poor food up. It made ma laugh.

Later in the morning we headed to Red Rocks for a few hours. The clouds just hugged the tops of those mountains, and the sky was such a crisp blue, and everything looked so vibrant and clean after rain from a day ago. We headed down into the cliffs, and Vaughn and Mason ran ahead of me, arms stretched out. I could tell they felt like they were flying. At one point Vaughn stopped to examine a cactus and started singing the Ramones at the top of his lungs "Hey! Ho! Let's go!" And continued singing so loudly and happily that I'm sure every climber on those rocks heard him. I never wanted to go home.

While the kids were sleeping I readied a package to send to my best friend in Michigan for her birthday coming up. I had so much fun wrapping her gifts and thinking about my friend, and even writing stupid Elephant jokes on the pretty wrapping paper, because I knew she would laugh at my lame jokes.

After that we headed to the library to drop a few books off, and to pick a few up, and the boys just sat and read books together, did puzzles, and colored at the coloring table for a solid hour, while I sat in a chair and read, and watched them.

Then we picked Rick up from work, and got to visit as a family on our drive home in the dark car. We came home and had grilled cheese sandwiches and watermelon for dinner, and have been busying ourselves getting ready for a Thanksgiving trip to visit family tomorrow.

It's my favorite, favorite holiday. Good food, family, friends, gratitude, and Christmas right around the corner. How can it get better than that?

I have so much to be thankful for, and all of our adventures today have reminded me of the things that I love the most in my life-- my crazy and adorable and funny little boys, the beautiful world around me, my friends who are so dear to me, my husband who may not laugh at my elephant jokes, but who loves me anyway, and helps me do the laundry, and walks with me through this life of ours, and our extended family who are all such amazing people.

Life is truly good. I love you all, and hope you have a wonderful week.

Jane

Buying Children's Books

2010-11-20T17:28:00.000-08:00

I have a passion for children's literature. It started in my own childhood with a love of reading, that has continued to grow and develop as I've had my own children and held them in my lap while reading wonderful stories together.

Although I believe that the best place to get books is from the library, I also love buying books-- both to give as gifts, and to enrich our home and family life. I thought I would share some of my thoughts on buying and building a library of books in the home.

I have a definite preference for books that I buy: Atlas's, encyclopedias, fairy tales, fables, nursery rhymes, folk tales, music books, and things to make and do together, are all books that I will snatch up at a good price.

I've noticed with my children that the stories that engage them the most are usually fairy tales or folk tales or fables. They usually invite the most interesting discussions while reading them, and I can see the little wheels turning in their heads while they are thinking about the stories. I will see them re-enact the stories through play and building and artwork, and re-tell them in their own way to each other. I know that they are thinking about them, and learning from them.

They are also usually rich in language and learning opportunities. I love when the story mentions a specific location, or originated from a country that I can point out on the world map in their room, or on the globe downstairs in the living room. I love when the stories introduce words in a different language, or customs of another culture, and we get to talk about people in other times and places in the world.

I also love that in one book, you can get a huge compilation of stories, and that they are stories that can be just as relevant to them as adults as they are to them right now (I know this because two of the books below are from my college courses, and I spent a good deal of time in college reading, discussing, and writing about folk and fairy tales).

The best place that I have found to buy books is at our library. Each of the urban libraries in the Las Vegas Library District has a used book store or section, where books can be bought for as little as ten cents each. Almost all of the books that I have bought I have found there.

Here are a few of my favorite books that I've found for our home:

Believe it or not, I spent less than $20 for all of these books combined (except for the Creepy Cute Crochet: Zombies, Ninjas, Robots, and More! in the front). That one I paid full sucker price for in a moment of weakness, and spent half as much on that book as I did on the rest of the table. But seriously? How cute are they?

Anyway... Here's a closer look at a few of my favorites:

This Oragami book is awesome! I can't tell you how many times I've pulled it off the shelf and have practiced making things with paper when there's a quiet moment at home together. The boys love when I make them "toys" and love playing with my little creations. I find something so gratifying about turning a piece of paper into something beautiful. It's also proved an extremely useful skill during moments when I need to keep the kids occupied without disturbing others (church, long car rides, etc...).

This favorite African Folktales is an absolute favorite I got (for 25 cents!). The illustrations are bold and beautiful, and the kids have a few from the collection that they request continually. This is one that I'm happy to introduce new words in another language to them, and to point out on a map some of the places these stories originated.

The illustrations in this collection of Aesop's fables are just gorgeous. Since fables are short they keep the attention span of even my two year old, and the illustrations are what really capture their attention and keep it. It just doesn't get better than some of these fables from Aesop in my opinion.

This book of proverbs is a really fun one. I love reading these to my boys once in a while. I usually read the English first, and then repeat it in Spanish. It takes only a few moments to read one, but leads to some really fun and interesting conversations. Even I love contemplating and discussing some of these proverbs.

This book is so perfect for my boys. I love the bright illustrations, and love letting them look through and then ask me questions about the natural world around them. I find them pulling this down often and reading it on their own, too.

I also love visiting used book stores both here in town, and in cities that I'm visiting when I have the time. I've found that the prices are usually comparable to what you would pay for used books on online sites, when you include the shipping, and I have found books there that I would never have even thought to buy, had I not seen them there. One way that I have found to negate the cost of used book stores, is to bring in books that you no longer want, to gain store credit, and make your purchase even cheaper. Most used book stores that I know of will do this.

I've learned a lot taking my children with me on these excursions, both to the library, and also to the used book stores. I usually quickly browse through all the books, pull any from the shelf that look interesting, and then go through my stack one by one, deciding if they are ones that I want to purchase. I will many times put my kids on my lap and read them some of the books to see what they think of them. I also love seeing which books they naturally gravitate to.

If there is a specific book I want to purchase, but can't find it in the used stores around me, I usually go to Amazon.com or to Half.com, and browse through the used copies for sale. I've gotten some great deals this way, and books that are in really great condition. There are also some great book swapping sites like PaperBackSwap.com, BookMooch.com, Bookcrossing.com, and Bookins.com, where you can send books that you no longer want, in exchange for books that you want, and only pay for shipping.

I love that our home has beautiful books in it that my children love to read. It makes me happy when I see them picking them up and sitting and reading.

Well my friends, I fear that I've gone on way too long. That's what happens when I start talking about books.

I hope your weekend is wonderful.

Love,

Jane

Dear Kat,

2010-11-17T10:14:00.000-08:00

I got my "fall goodness" package in the mail on Saturday that you sent to me. The boys and I unwrapped each little treasure with awe and excitement.

I'm so in love with everything you sent to me-- how did you know this little bird sitting in a special place in my living room would make me so happy? Or that I adore the colors in the scarf and the wall hanging? And I will surely be practicing my penmanship in my my penmanship notebook.

And the earrings? Don't even get me started on the adorableness of these earrings.

They make me feel wise, and cute, and I love the color of them against my hair.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, dear Kat. You are one of the nicest, cutest people I know.

Much love,

Jane

p.s. I would show you pictures of the Mary Jane candy and gold coins, but they got eaten too quickly (oops). :-)

p.p.s. If any of you reading this letter need a pick me up, read Kat's blog, and then visit her etsy shop and order something. I triple promise you won't be disappointed.

Drawing on Mirrors

2010-11-15T15:03:00.000-08:00

The other morning, after getting out of a very hot shower, my boys came into the bathroom. "Mommy, what happened to the mirror!?" asked my four-year-old.

I explained to him that when water gets really hot, it turns into steam, and that is what he was seeing on the mirrors.

I had a sudden flash back to my childhood, sitting in our warm house on cold winter days, when the windows would sometimes become foggy. I remember writing messages and drawing pictures-- the way the cool glass felt against my finger, and how I always felt it was my own little secret message or picture because it would disappear.

"Do you guys want to draw on the mirrors?" I asked.

They were delighted to slide their fingers across the glass, making pictures and letters, and telling me all about their creations.

When the steam began to disappear I showed them how they can make their own steam by breathing on the glass.

It wasn't a very fancy or even planned art project, but it was fun and we learned a lot in the process.

I'm linking to Childhood 101. If you haven't checked this blog out yet, please do! I've found so many wonderful ideas, and it has made me more aware and appreciative of the way my kids play.

Starry Night

2010-11-14T19:23:00.000-08:00

Tonight Rick and the boys are out snuggling up in the hammock in sleeping bags and blankets, looking up at the starry sky, and probably talking about super heroes. I thought I'd steal a moment away and snuggle into my blog, while sipping hot wassail, and listening to good music (Jem at the moment).

We've had my parents visiting a few nights on their way to and from California. One of the mornings I spent visiting with my Dad. I asked him what it's like to be in your sixties-- if he's enjoying being older. He talked about how every age has it's charms and challenges, and how overall he enjoys very much being where he's at.

He said that the thing that's surprised him most about aging is that the older he gets, the more he realizes that there aren't really any certainties. We go about in youth learning, and gathering ideas, and feeling at some point, certain of ourselves, certain that we understand the world, and that we are living the right way, only to age and watch those certainties recede and disappear.

I love listening to my Dad talk. His voice is low and soothing, and his eyes are flecked with so many colors, that they change constantly depending on the time of day and his mood. If you asked me the color of them, I wouldn't know what to answer.

He talked about the words of the hymn Lead Kindly Light, and how the words are how he feels about this subject-- how in youth we think through our pride that we can see clearly the picture in front of us, and know where we need to go, and how he now realizes that we can't really know anything-- we can only have faith and be lead one step in front of the other.

I've been mulling these thoughts over since our talk. I find something oddly soothing in them-- that even though some certainties are useful and helpful to us along our path, we don't need to collect them and hold on to them forever. We can let them go, and continue on our path one step at a time.

Another of the days they were here we went on a walk with the boys. Vaughn rode his bike wearing his green jacket, a knight cape (actually a superman cape), Ricks biking helmet and gloves, some safety goggles, and Rick's really old cell phone from the nineties dangling from his handlebar. He insisted on each one of these accessories, and even made grandma hold his sword and shield (metal pan lid). The poor kid looked quite ridiculous, but was so happy in his little knight/batman/biker world, and both boys lapped up all the attention and love from their grandparents.

It's been a lovely week, and we've enjoyed all our days. The boys are inside now sipping a warm drink, and I think I'll go give their cool cheeks some kisses.

I hope you've all had the best of weeks too.

Loves,

xoxo

Today, gratitude for the beautiful world around me, and my children who play in it.

2010-11-07T20:13:00.000-08:00

"As a child, one has that magical capacity to move among the many eras of the earth; to see the land as an animal does; to experience the sky from the perspective of a flower or a bee; to feel the earth quiver and breathe beneath us; to know a hundred different smells of mud and listen unself- consciously to the soughing of the trees."

~Valerie Andrews, A Passion for this Earth